Charlie's back!
He arrived completely unexpectedly on Christmas Day after being in Europe for these past 6 months. Best Christmas surprise ever. And McFly is definitely coming back on January 12th. The summer/life is starting to look a whole lot brighter, these two are my absolute favourites.
Yesterday I went over to Castle to hang out with Andy. However, we both ended up getting roped into cleaning and moving Sam's stuff into the front room with him and Dunk. Yep, that's right, Sam's a bonafide Castle resident now. Still unsure how I feel about this, because now I really can't get away from him. And given his recent mixed messages (Grey, come and get dinner with me, come and get breakfast with me, let's watch old 90210 together, I'm just going to fall asleep on your shoulder with my hand wrapped around your arm at a party. But um, I'm going to spend the whole of Saturday night hitting on another girl, whatevs), I think I might want to get away from him. Oh well.
But onto more exciting things. After the clean up, Charlie came over to Castle and talked up a storm about his European adventures mostly featuring 1) Drugs, 2) Girls, and 3) Drugs. Classic Charlie. The whole crew dropped over after that and it was pretty great watching everyone's faces as each of them realised our recent returnee was there. As per usual, we then drank far too much, took some dexies and went out. Although we left Charlie on a mattress in the back room, drunk as fuck. Ohhhhh C. Nothing changes.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
All My Loves Are Leaving Me
For one city or another.
Caitie's already gone to Iowa and she's gone for a year.
Clara is around for that year, but then she's auditioning for acting schools out in the big bad real world (Sydney, London, the U.S.). Thing is, she's good enough to get in, and then she's gone for good.
McFly's leaving either mid-year 2010 or at the end of the year, because he's graduated. Then it's NYC for him.
Sam is going to move to London in the middle of next year. There goes all the drama in my life, and his cute smile.
Rana is transferring unis over to Melbourne.
Even Blondie J is taking a year off uni next year and is moving down south with Dan so she can save money.
Sometimes I just want to make time stand still, so everyone would stay.
Caitie's already gone to Iowa and she's gone for a year.
Clara is around for that year, but then she's auditioning for acting schools out in the big bad real world (Sydney, London, the U.S.). Thing is, she's good enough to get in, and then she's gone for good.
McFly's leaving either mid-year 2010 or at the end of the year, because he's graduated. Then it's NYC for him.
Sam is going to move to London in the middle of next year. There goes all the drama in my life, and his cute smile.
Rana is transferring unis over to Melbourne.
Even Blondie J is taking a year off uni next year and is moving down south with Dan so she can save money.
Sometimes I just want to make time stand still, so everyone would stay.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Alexis/Animal Collective Thursday
Everyone new to the band was waiting for this:
We got that, and so much more. But to be honest, all I really remember other than that is this:
And do you want to know why? Because Caitie came over beforehand and convinced me to get the 2 tabs of acid (in our personal dialect, "alexis") out of my freezer and into our bloodstreams.
Best/worst decision EVER.
When Clara fronted up at my door, Caitie immediately informed her of our plan and her involvement in it, which was non-negotiable. Bit of a shock, one can imagine.
We walked half way to Washington, where they were playing, and put the tiny half-tabs we'd cut up under our tongues. To be honest, I didn't think anything was going to happen. You see, just after he left for London, Charlie gave me the amazing going-away present of 2 tabs of acid, saying, "It's just going to deteriorate in my room, you may as well have it". So it had been sitting in my freezer for a good 6 months, which anyone who is acquainted with the drug would know is not really that good for its potency.
Despite my misgivings, it came on in full force. I was swaying and chewing and saying things like, "I'm not inside myself, it's like I'm just a little bit outside of my head." And Animal Collective's music was made to trip to.
On the way back to Castle, Clara and I laughed for 20 minutes straight about nothing.
Max Dunkeld was pretty much the nicest guy ever (he was sober) and gave us nice little tips on tripping & life.
Andy was on a full tab, and unfortunately was having a bad trip, so disappeared halfway through a few conversations.
Sam sat opposite me and complained about his dud pill.
We just tripped out until Max wanted to go to bed and we had to find someplace else to go.
This is where things get a little silly. Caitie decided that she wanted to go back to her place and that driving her car would be the best idea. I believe I repeated the phrase, "You don't have any depth perception when you're on acid" ten times. However, eventually I caved and SOMEHOW we made the 20 minute drive from the city to her house. Kind of amazed that we're alive right now. Also not telling ANYONE that. Two people have already asked how we got to her house and I have lied and said "a taxi".
Anyway, the rest of the night was spent in Caitie's room talking and laughing and drawing until around 6am when we finally fell asleep. Although Clara lost the ability to speak for a good few hours. Under normal circumstances this would be worrying, however, on acid it was just really funny.
Sam has described the experience as being like, "reverting to your ten year old self". I thought it was more like your six year old self. Except you're unable to do a lot of things that a six year old could do. Like see/stand/write/draw properly.
The following pages are what I produced during the many hours in Caitie's room:
Oh, and I forgot to mention that no matter how much you take, acid always lasts for 8 hours. We forgot about this. Good one grrrrrls. This resulted in some serious backlash as I missed an appointment with my dad the next morning to cut down a Christmas tree.
I was labelled a "selfish teenager".
Taking drugs on a whim? Yeah, I guess that's pretty selfish.
We got that, and so much more. But to be honest, all I really remember other than that is this:
And do you want to know why? Because Caitie came over beforehand and convinced me to get the 2 tabs of acid (in our personal dialect, "alexis") out of my freezer and into our bloodstreams.
Best/worst decision EVER.
When Clara fronted up at my door, Caitie immediately informed her of our plan and her involvement in it, which was non-negotiable. Bit of a shock, one can imagine.
We walked half way to Washington, where they were playing, and put the tiny half-tabs we'd cut up under our tongues. To be honest, I didn't think anything was going to happen. You see, just after he left for London, Charlie gave me the amazing going-away present of 2 tabs of acid, saying, "It's just going to deteriorate in my room, you may as well have it". So it had been sitting in my freezer for a good 6 months, which anyone who is acquainted with the drug would know is not really that good for its potency.
Despite my misgivings, it came on in full force. I was swaying and chewing and saying things like, "I'm not inside myself, it's like I'm just a little bit outside of my head." And Animal Collective's music was made to trip to.
On the way back to Castle, Clara and I laughed for 20 minutes straight about nothing.
Max Dunkeld was pretty much the nicest guy ever (he was sober) and gave us nice little tips on tripping & life.
Andy was on a full tab, and unfortunately was having a bad trip, so disappeared halfway through a few conversations.
Sam sat opposite me and complained about his dud pill.
We just tripped out until Max wanted to go to bed and we had to find someplace else to go.
This is where things get a little silly. Caitie decided that she wanted to go back to her place and that driving her car would be the best idea. I believe I repeated the phrase, "You don't have any depth perception when you're on acid" ten times. However, eventually I caved and SOMEHOW we made the 20 minute drive from the city to her house. Kind of amazed that we're alive right now. Also not telling ANYONE that. Two people have already asked how we got to her house and I have lied and said "a taxi".
Anyway, the rest of the night was spent in Caitie's room talking and laughing and drawing until around 6am when we finally fell asleep. Although Clara lost the ability to speak for a good few hours. Under normal circumstances this would be worrying, however, on acid it was just really funny.
Sam has described the experience as being like, "reverting to your ten year old self". I thought it was more like your six year old self. Except you're unable to do a lot of things that a six year old could do. Like see/stand/write/draw properly.
The following pages are what I produced during the many hours in Caitie's room:
Oh, and I forgot to mention that no matter how much you take, acid always lasts for 8 hours. We forgot about this. Good one grrrrrls. This resulted in some serious backlash as I missed an appointment with my dad the next morning to cut down a Christmas tree.
I was labelled a "selfish teenager".
Taking drugs on a whim? Yeah, I guess that's pretty selfish.
White Heart Friday
So, two weekends ago (Friday the 11th of December) I went out with my favourite girls: Caitie and Clara.
Now, Caitie has just left today (21st of December) to go to Iowa on exchange for a whole year. As such, we felt that it was necessary to make her last two weekends HUGE. So I made it my business to get ahold of some pills, which ended up being white hearts.
A little warning: If you get the real ones, these are not normal pills. They are amazing.
We took these babies in a park in the middle of the city at around 11pm and then went back to Caitie's car which was parked in my street to drop off some stuff. Half an hour later we were all sitting in the back seat, curled up in little balls, loudly talking about:
1) How incredibly high we were
2) Masturbating
3) Our general sex lives
4) Our deepest, darkest secrets
5) How amazing we think the other two are
When we decided we could walk again, we got out and drew on walls with Caitie's crayons. Caitie wrote, "I heart [insert Grey's real name here]".
Clara drew her signature catfish, which you can find on a few walls around about.
I wrote, "Gray, Fox and Racoon", me obviously being Gray, Clara being the fox and Caitie being the racoon. Those animals just suit them. Apparently I would be a cat if I were an animal. This is what Blondie J tells me anyway. And if you ask McFly what kind of "candy" I would be, he would answer, "A bon bon". What flavour bon bon McFly? "No flavour. Just plain." Is it weird that I find this somewhat insulting? He said it with love though :P
After defacing private property, we walked to Slew, singing City & Colour's Comin' Home the whole way there, arm in arm.
Upon arrival we got a few comments from complete strangers, "Party on girls!", "Having a big night huh?". We must have been the most obvious gurners ever. I felt a million bucks though. And when I got to the bathrooms and looked in the mirror I realised I had my, "I want to fuck you" face on permanently. I just couldn't stop it!
It felt great though.
Shortly after this, I spotted my kind-of-friend-ex-fuck-buddy-what-are-we?-I-still-want-to-sleep-with-you guy, Sam. And yes, I still had the face on. I still had the attitude on.
Caitie and Clara disappeared off somewhere and I found myself sitting on a wall with Sam. "Are you alright?" he asked. I was obviously getting my stare on. "I'm fine ... but I'm kind of obsessed with seducing you." "Oh really? Well, I'd say come back to mine, but I'm staying with my boss and it would just be really awkward." "Whatever, just come back to mine, I don't even care. It'll be fine ... mmmmmm ... it'll be fine."
Short silence.
I put two fingers under his chin, directing it towards me and kiss him.
THANKGOD. It's been such a long time. And I've been so obsessed with this (see: Want Some Company?, Neuroticism and Let's All Calm Down, Shall We? as a start).
Fast forward through the rest of the incredibly high night (I remember sitting in a toilet cubicle thinking, "This is beautiful, my life is beautiful") and we come to closing time.
Sam is tugging on my arm saying he's too tired and has to go home, so I bid my girls good night. The walk home is peppered with spontaneous makeout sessions when he grabs me and I push him up against a wall. Why has it been so long?
:)
We woke up the next morning and I was still high. He felt too awkward with my parents around the house to show his face outside of my room so when it got to 3pm we crept out of the front door with some dvds in hand and made our way to where he's staying temporarily.
This is what's confusing me about Sam right now!
He's being very friendly all of a sudden. Like, let's hang out Grey! Come over and watch movies! Oh well. At least I know he's my friend regardless of whether I sleep with him or not.
And I had a fucking amazing night.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
THE PARTY
A little taster ...
My good friend Rana and I (I'm in the denim) putting up the ridiculously long paper chains that Shark made for me as an insomnia cure.
Shark to your far right, Blondie J with the amazing booty shorts, Jaydee in the dress and my dad sauntering past.
And my favourite gay boys arrive.
The amazing Clara! Who has the best mane of hair you've ever seen. We're going to go watch Where the Wild Things Are today, and I think I'm going to make wild beast mane jokes the whole time ;)
McFly, Sam, Andy & me looking skeazy/drunk (which I was).
McFly, just the best. 
My backyard mid-party feat. Sam in the bottom right-hand corner sitting amongst Castle and Castle-associated kids. And you can just glimpse Joanie in the top left-hand corner with all the people I used to go to parties with during my Cherry days.All in all, a successful night. Everyone said they enjoyed themselves :)
Monday, November 30, 2009
Beautiful Things
Here is something I have recently fallen in love with: Book Lovers Never Go To Bed Alone.
I don't think there is anything more satisfying or aesthetically pleasing than a good bookshelf. Part of it is probably the vouyeristic glimpse one gets into someone else's life and someone else's brain by looking at the things that they have read. The books they've loved and those they will come to love in the future.
And a shelf full of books is like a shelf bursting with knowledge and imagination! I find it unfailingly amazing that you can stuff so much into such a tiny physical space.
So please, go and look at this yourselves and appreciate the wonder that is other people's bookshelves. Here is one of my favourites:
And, for your viewing pleasure, have a gander at some of mine:
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Want Some Company?
Went to Sam's last night to watch Season 2 of the OC and some shit scary movies with him, Andy, Joanie (surprisingly not awkward?) and some other Castle-related kids.
Ended up crashing there. No, not in Sam's bed, but in his spare room.
Which resulted in this conversation via message after we had all gone to bed:
G: Feels very weird to be sleeping in your house but in your spare room fyi!
S: Haha yeah no doubt :P
G: Mmm I much prefer your room, less eerie empty space, more company
S: Well I'd say come here but Andy's in the next room, might get awkward.
G: Haha so considerate of you. You could come here if you want, although i guess Andy's still down the hallway ...
S: Na it's still a bit too close for comfort. I'll see you tomorrow :)
G: Yeah, you're right. Ahh well, eerie empty space it is for me. You know where to find me if you change your mind.
Totally embarassed right now.
Ps. Will do a party recap v. soon!
Ended up crashing there. No, not in Sam's bed, but in his spare room.
Which resulted in this conversation via message after we had all gone to bed:
G: Feels very weird to be sleeping in your house but in your spare room fyi!
S: Haha yeah no doubt :P
G: Mmm I much prefer your room, less eerie empty space, more company
S: Well I'd say come here but Andy's in the next room, might get awkward.
G: Haha so considerate of you. You could come here if you want, although i guess Andy's still down the hallway ...
S: Na it's still a bit too close for comfort. I'll see you tomorrow :)
G: Yeah, you're right. Ahh well, eerie empty space it is for me. You know where to find me if you change your mind.
Totally embarassed right now.
Ps. Will do a party recap v. soon!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
A Playlist Sneak-Peak
Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division
Ca Plane Pour Moi - Plastique Bertrand
You Spin Me Right Round (Like a Record) - Dead or Alive
Hummingbird - Born Ruffians
Lotion - Greenskeepers
Search & Destroy - Iggy & The Stooges
Slow Hands - Interpol
ABC - The Jackson Five
Yea Yeah - Matt and Kim
Rebel Rebel - David Bowie
When It Started - The Strokes
Lisztomania - Phoenix
Take On Me - Aha
Gamma Ray - Beck
Crystalised - The xx
A-Punk - Vampire Weekend
11th Dimension - Julian Casablancas
Over and Over - Hot Chip
Sleepy Head - Passion Pit
Bad Reputation - Joan Jett
Blue Monday - New Order
AND NOW I'LL STOP
But my house is hopefully going to look like the inside of this popular nightspot ;) (which looks SO much less hipster than usual, by the way):
And all I am going to do is THIS:
IT'S MY PARTY
And I'm definitely not going to cry, it's going to be fucking amazing!
I turn 19 this coming Monday, so I'm celebrating on Friday with 100 of my favourite people.
The things I'm most excited about:
I turn 19 this coming Monday, so I'm celebrating on Friday with 100 of my favourite people.
The things I'm most excited about:
- Everyone has to wear denim (otherwise I wont give them a free shot). This idea arose from McFly always giving me shit about "wearing weird peices of denim". I figured I could wear a whole lot of "weird denim" and so could everyone else.
- I am going to wear a Texan Tuxedo - of which google has disappointingly few photos, or else I'd share one. Rest assured that it's denim from head to toe. I'll take a photo of myself and share on Saturday ok!
- There will be 3 types of punch, one of which will be predominantely full of Stones Green Ginger Wine.
- Shark will be mixing said punch as she is a competent bartender.
- I will be doing nothing at all past 8pm as I will be getting irretrievably shitfaced :)
- That excludes dancing for 4 hours, as that is exactly what I intend to do. You have no idea how much time I have put into finessing this playlist. CAN'T WAIT.
- I'm going to take a million photos (both film & digital, because I'm obsessed with disposable cameras) and POST THEM HERE. Sans faces though I guess. I hate this anonymous stuff sometimes.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
In Hindsight...
So Blondie J is thinking about why we miss our pasts.
To be honest with you, I think we miss them because we've blurred them so much in hindsight that they appear to be better than they are.
This weekend (the first for me after exams finished!) has been good, but last night I found myself wandering around Slew wishing I had still only just turned 18 and that this was all still new to me. And that the people I am now good friends/at least acquaintances with were still those intimidating cool kids I half knew from uni who always sat in the corner and smoked and stared. Sometimes I'd join their circle on the dancefloor and feel so self-conscious, wondering the whole time if they thought I was some kind of uncoordinated freak. Then that one time they offered to walk me home (considering we live around the corner from one another) and everything started to change. Now I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night thinking about how I could message one of them and go out or at least sit around on their back porch with drinks/drugs, but feeling like I just want to go to bed and that I don't really enjoy hanging out with them that much anyway.
Strange how things change, right?
To be honest with you, I think we miss them because we've blurred them so much in hindsight that they appear to be better than they are.
This weekend (the first for me after exams finished!) has been good, but last night I found myself wandering around Slew wishing I had still only just turned 18 and that this was all still new to me. And that the people I am now good friends/at least acquaintances with were still those intimidating cool kids I half knew from uni who always sat in the corner and smoked and stared. Sometimes I'd join their circle on the dancefloor and feel so self-conscious, wondering the whole time if they thought I was some kind of uncoordinated freak. Then that one time they offered to walk me home (considering we live around the corner from one another) and everything started to change. Now I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night thinking about how I could message one of them and go out or at least sit around on their back porch with drinks/drugs, but feeling like I just want to go to bed and that I don't really enjoy hanging out with them that much anyway.
Strange how things change, right?
Friday, November 13, 2009
how to fight loneliness:
smile all the time
shine your teeth to meaningless,
and sharpen them with lies
(wilco - girl interrupted soundtrack)
i feel like i miss being the 16 year old who used to watch ultra sad/awful/drugfucked movies at home alone and listen to sad music and hate makeup except eyeliner and bite her nails and get drunk in parks with boys and cry
but why?
now i am a 19 year old who doesnt have much time to watch movies alone at all, listens to happy/dancey music and gets drunk at clubs with girls and dances and paints her nails many tropical shades and knows how to look pretty with makeup on
i dont knowwwwwwwww. attemps to relive old goodtimes after exams finished just reminded me of how much dan and i are different to those people now. especially to harold who deserves his khaki green lame colour for being such a dick head.
'ew, i don't want to sit near you anymore man, you've had your dick covered in shit'
can you please stop being 15 years old. there are lots of sexual and pharmaceutical experiences that everyone has the right to enjoy themselves. nobody should force their beliefs on anybody else. just live and let live!
on another note...
should i feel guilty about having the best 30 minutes of my night on wednesday (at the end of year show for meds) when past flame-from-afar, best looking boy in second year, cam, was talking to me and (possibly pretending to be) interested in my tastes in music/life?
♥
but i went and met dan at the pub later right? its okay? harmless and all.
let's undress like cross eyed strangers
smile all the time
shine your teeth to meaningless,
and sharpen them with lies
(wilco - girl interrupted soundtrack)
i feel like i miss being the 16 year old who used to watch ultra sad/awful/drugfucked movies at home alone and listen to sad music and hate makeup except eyeliner and bite her nails and get drunk in parks with boys and cry
but why?
now i am a 19 year old who doesnt have much time to watch movies alone at all, listens to happy/dancey music and gets drunk at clubs with girls and dances and paints her nails many tropical shades and knows how to look pretty with makeup on
i dont knowwwwwwwww. attemps to relive old goodtimes after exams finished just reminded me of how much dan and i are different to those people now. especially to harold who deserves his khaki green lame colour for being such a dick head.
'ew, i don't want to sit near you anymore man, you've had your dick covered in shit'
can you please stop being 15 years old. there are lots of sexual and pharmaceutical experiences that everyone has the right to enjoy themselves. nobody should force their beliefs on anybody else. just live and let live!
on another note...
should i feel guilty about having the best 30 minutes of my night on wednesday (at the end of year show for meds) when past flame-from-afar, best looking boy in second year, cam, was talking to me and (possibly pretending to be) interested in my tastes in music/life?
♥
but i went and met dan at the pub later right? its okay? harmless and all.
let's undress like cross eyed strangers
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Neuroticism
So this whole Sam saga has just reminded me that I am an obsessive person.
Hi, my name is Grey and I am neurotic.
No, but seriously. I get bored unless I have something to focus my energies on. People are of course the most satisfying thing to obsess over, because they think and talk and change every day and they can obsess over YOU. However, in light of my current circumstances, in which I irrationally became obsessed with Sam despite the fact that I don't even like him that much (we don't click and I know it!), I clearly need to obsess over people less. People obsessions just end in me or them getting hurt. Usually me. So, things and activities are needed.
As a consquence of this new conviction, I have come up with a list of things to get me through the summer:
- Exam study (until the 12th)
- Reading Jane Austen books (right now, Pride and Prejudice *swoon*)
- Makin' sweet music (aka playing my guitar somewhat tunelessly in my room in preparation for starting a band with my friends. This will undoubtedly end up being a couple of "jam sessions" while we're drunk/high and think we sound amazing, but actually sound awful)
- Reinventing myself (which I get the urge to do once a year, this time it's going to involve black lipstick and many lengths of industrial gague chains)
- Writing a play with my friend Shark about the few months when we both worked at a gay bar while underage. Might have to make a retropost about that soon.
- Maybe finally writing this book I've been talking about FOREVER
- Going out on the town with my similarly single friends; drinking, taking drugs and making jokes about people and/or obsessing about them from afar (which is far less damaging than up-close). So really, a summer dominated by moments like this:
That should do the trick, right? *Tugs at collar nervously*
Probably not. Already obsessing over finding someone new to obsess about. Also still obsessing about the possibility of no-strings-attached sex with Sam when I stop caring about who he sleeps with (not too far away).
UH OH!
Let's All Calm Down, Shall We?
So I sent that facebook message to Sam last week and it lifted such a weight off my shoulders.
I felt better immediately.
I thought I'd give you a sneak peak into my very real world and post the message I sent to him:
Reading over this now makes me cringe! Awful, awful. Too obsessive. Just awful.
I felt better immediately.
I thought I'd give you a sneak peak into my very real world and post the message I sent to him:
Hey, ok. So by now you must know that I am the queen of conflict avoidance, right? Good, glad we've got that sorted.
Well I meant to have a bit of a chat to you when you were over just before, but obviously, failed spectacularly at saying anything of significance. Really I just want to know where I stand with you after this weekend. Friday night just brought home to me the fact that I'm becoming very attached to you, and it's fairly clear that you just want to play the field, or at least aren't that attached to me. So I'm thinking that I should probably stop sleeping with you or nights like Friday are going to keep happening and I'm going to go insane.
Also I don't particularly appreciate being your "root of last resort", which is how I feel most of the time. And that's really, really not alright. I feel I owe a lot more to myself than to play that role for anyone.
But then again, perhaps this whole message is completely unnecessary because you really liked the girl you went home with and want to pursue her! If so, good luck, I guess. I just apologise in advance for any upcoming occasions during which I do my, "I hate conflict so instead of getting angry at you (which would be futile AND irrational) I'm going to act like you don't exist" thing (like last night, sorry about that by the way).
Oh and just for your general information, I think the reason Friday upset me quite as much as it did was because it was like all those months of Fridays with Cherry all over again. It just hit the wrong buttons in a big way, I guess. Ahh, also it didn't help that the same night she told me you told her not to go home with me, she also told me, and I quote: "I don't want to stir shit between you and Sam, I know you don't think there's any to stir, but I've heard differently. Joanie told me that Sam said he really likes you and she thinks he'll probably ask you out soon." Which at the time I took as probably true, because I was drunk and had forgotten that she's a pathological liar. More reason for you and I both to hate her? Haha. I'm pretty impressed though that she was only here for under 2 weeks but still managed to completely and utterly fuck up my life. Because before that I was totally casual about the you and I thing. Thankssssssss C. Oh also I heard the same thing from another source, but it's probably related to the shit Cherry was talking? That's what I'm going to assume for the time being anyway.
So now you know where I'm coming from, I felt I needed to say something about it.
Reading over this now makes me cringe! Awful, awful. Too obsessive. Just awful.
Mostly awful because I don't feel this way at ALL anymore (and what, it's been two weeks?). I'm a fickle being I guess.
Can't help thinking that give me another couple of weeks and I'm going to end up in his bed again. Uh ohhhh.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Conflict Avoidance
EPICLY EPIC FAIL at any conversation with Sam.
I literally did not mention anything when he came to get his bike because I was too worried that he was in the middle of deciding to date the girl he went home with on Friday and would laugh at me for having these kinds of feelings.
WHYYYYY DO I DO THIS?!
Strongly considering a facebook message.
I literally did not mention anything when he came to get his bike because I was too worried that he was in the middle of deciding to date the girl he went home with on Friday and would laugh at me for having these kinds of feelings.
WHYYYYY DO I DO THIS?!
Strongly considering a facebook message.
Correction
Apparently it wasn't that rank slut Fox that Sam went home with.
In fact, it was rank slut Fox's friend, page-boy haircut, teal dress-wearing, SOMEWHAT CHUBBY friend.
Currently unsure if this makes it better or worse. Better because he didn't go home with some rank slut which would devalue his choice of me as a bed partner. But then worse because he might actually like pageboytealchubby girl and then they'll go on dates and he'll be all like, "Oh no sorry, can't hang out tonight, seeing pageboytealchubby girl, isn't she just GREAT, don't you just LOVE her?!"
And then I will want to kill myself.
Saw him last night when I went to a party with Castle. I hung out with Andy mostly and McFly, although he is usually otherwise occupied with semi-liked, semi-resented girlfriend Hana (who made cupcakes for our friend who is moving to Melbourne? Innnnnnnnnteresting).
But back to Sam.
I did my usual, "I hate conflict so instead of yelling at you I am going to pretend that you don't exist" thing. Pleasantly reminded me of Cherry once more. No, GOOD, these past few weeks haven't been a relationshipy disaster at ALL. But yeah, he had the nerve to message me before the party about leaving his bike tied to my fence until today and seemed like he wanted to start a casual message conversation? I was like, "NO WAY JOSE". I mean, read my facebook status and many comments and you will see how angry I am with you Samuel.
Yes, I am the most passive-agressive person ever.
And then when I left by myself he decided to be "caring friend Sam" and make sure I had some way to get home. Which just made me more angry because it's like, you didn't seem to give a shit how I got home LAST NIGHT, DID YOU??? But it's ok, because Blondie J came and picked me up. Her and Dan had an adorable little altercation in the car about whether to get Maccas sundaes on the way to my house or the way back to theirs. I love those two.
So that's my Saturday story! I'll keep you updated on what happens when Sam comes to get his bike. Fingers crossed I'll have the guts to talk to him about how irrationally angry I got at him and how this means that I need to distance myself from him. Guhhh. This is shit.
In fact, it was rank slut Fox's friend, page-boy haircut, teal dress-wearing, SOMEWHAT CHUBBY friend.
Currently unsure if this makes it better or worse. Better because he didn't go home with some rank slut which would devalue his choice of me as a bed partner. But then worse because he might actually like pageboytealchubby girl and then they'll go on dates and he'll be all like, "Oh no sorry, can't hang out tonight, seeing pageboytealchubby girl, isn't she just GREAT, don't you just LOVE her?!"
And then I will want to kill myself.
Saw him last night when I went to a party with Castle. I hung out with Andy mostly and McFly, although he is usually otherwise occupied with semi-liked, semi-resented girlfriend Hana (who made cupcakes for our friend who is moving to Melbourne? Innnnnnnnnteresting).
But back to Sam.
I did my usual, "I hate conflict so instead of yelling at you I am going to pretend that you don't exist" thing. Pleasantly reminded me of Cherry once more. No, GOOD, these past few weeks haven't been a relationshipy disaster at ALL. But yeah, he had the nerve to message me before the party about leaving his bike tied to my fence until today and seemed like he wanted to start a casual message conversation? I was like, "NO WAY JOSE". I mean, read my facebook status and many comments and you will see how angry I am with you Samuel.
Yes, I am the most passive-agressive person ever.
And then when I left by myself he decided to be "caring friend Sam" and make sure I had some way to get home. Which just made me more angry because it's like, you didn't seem to give a shit how I got home LAST NIGHT, DID YOU??? But it's ok, because Blondie J came and picked me up. Her and Dan had an adorable little altercation in the car about whether to get Maccas sundaes on the way to my house or the way back to theirs. I love those two.
So that's my Saturday story! I'll keep you updated on what happens when Sam comes to get his bike. Fingers crossed I'll have the guts to talk to him about how irrationally angry I got at him and how this means that I need to distance myself from him. Guhhh. This is shit.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
FUCK YOU OXYTOCIN
Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter/hormone that gets released in a woman's brain after she has sex (among other times) and is thought to facilitate love, trust and pair bonding.
And right now, there is nothing more I hate than how oxytocin has made me feel about Sam, who I'm not even that compatible with anyway.
Last night Sam went home with this rank Fox bitch (she doesn't get a colour, I loathe her right now) who has fucked half of Slew. He has previously hooked up with her and that very night saw her hooking up with 2 other guys at Slew.
No Sam? What's that? You didn't want a girl with any dignity?
Oh GOOD. Well you've succeeded then. Picked a quality dame there.
And not only did he go home with her, but it was right in front of my fucking face! He kept looking over at me on the Slew dancefloor like a child anxiously watches his parent as he does something "naughty".
And all this coming hot on the fucking heels of a few separate sources informing me that he actually really likes me.
No SERIOUSLY, fuck you Samuel. FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.
I am so incredibly bored of being treated like I am a piece of shit. Like I'm just an object to be used when you feel like it, but then discarded as soon as a better offer comes along. If I'm going to get involved with anyone I want them to respect me and like me as a human being and realise that it's not alright to imply an emotional connection to someone and then fuck someone else just because you can. I want someone to appreciate me for the interesting and intelligent person I am. And I'm just SO INCREDIBLY BORED of getting fucked around like this.
Oh, and did I mention that right now his bike is tied up to my front fence? I am SO tempted to do a Joanie on him and unscrew some screws or unchain some chains. Pity I'm not "emotionally unstable" enough to go through with it.
Oh well. The plan though, is to have a bit of a confrontation (unlikely that I will do this unfortunately, it sucks to have no spine). I will say to him:
But I really don't want to just be friends with him? This is utterly shit. I can't keep sleeping with him if he wants to fuck multiple people and I don't, it would just kill me.
I'm going to go and read "A Man of Few Words" now to remind myself of how silent and manipulative and immature and boring he is. Should help, right?
And right now, there is nothing more I hate than how oxytocin has made me feel about Sam, who I'm not even that compatible with anyway.
Last night Sam went home with this rank Fox bitch (she doesn't get a colour, I loathe her right now) who has fucked half of Slew. He has previously hooked up with her and that very night saw her hooking up with 2 other guys at Slew.
No Sam? What's that? You didn't want a girl with any dignity?
Oh GOOD. Well you've succeeded then. Picked a quality dame there.
And not only did he go home with her, but it was right in front of my fucking face! He kept looking over at me on the Slew dancefloor like a child anxiously watches his parent as he does something "naughty".
And all this coming hot on the fucking heels of a few separate sources informing me that he actually really likes me.
No SERIOUSLY, fuck you Samuel. FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.
I am so incredibly bored of being treated like I am a piece of shit. Like I'm just an object to be used when you feel like it, but then discarded as soon as a better offer comes along. If I'm going to get involved with anyone I want them to respect me and like me as a human being and realise that it's not alright to imply an emotional connection to someone and then fuck someone else just because you can. I want someone to appreciate me for the interesting and intelligent person I am. And I'm just SO INCREDIBLY BORED of getting fucked around like this.
Oh, and did I mention that right now his bike is tied up to my front fence? I am SO tempted to do a Joanie on him and unscrew some screws or unchain some chains. Pity I'm not "emotionally unstable" enough to go through with it.
Oh well. The plan though, is to have a bit of a confrontation (unlikely that I will do this unfortunately, it sucks to have no spine). I will say to him:
"Alright Sam, I need to have a bit of a conversation with you about last night. I actually found myself getting quite upset about the fact that you went home with Fox, mostly because I have heard from a few sources that you actually have feelings for me, so I have started to get really attached to you. Clearly you want to play the field and me getting attached is a terrible idea. However, it's reached a point here where I cannot deal with you going home with other girls, I can't go back to being as(Dieing to add: YOU ARE A FUCKED UP MOTHERFUCKER AND I LOATHE YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY)
unattached as I used to be. So I think that it's best that we go back to just
being purely friends."
But I really don't want to just be friends with him? This is utterly shit. I can't keep sleeping with him if he wants to fuck multiple people and I don't, it would just kill me.
I'm going to go and read "A Man of Few Words" now to remind myself of how silent and manipulative and immature and boring he is. Should help, right?
Monday, October 19, 2009
I'm Dreaming of an ...
ADVENTURE
How about we all go to India and get lost (figuratively)?
We can run among the trees in an enchanted valley a la A Little Princess (aka my favourite children's movie of all time - it still makes me cry and I've been watching it since I was 5 years old!). Also there will be an amazing waterfall populated by an enormous stone head upon which we will stand in a romantic fashion:
Sound good? Sounds great. I'm sure the absolute impossibility of Sara Crew's life in India will not be a problem. Otherwise I'm totally up for recreating the New York part (ie. food via imagination, probs more realistic, budget-wise):
Um, but seriously, where is my benevolent Indian man who conjures me food/yellow garments?
WHERRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!
I think he should make my upcoming exams vanish in a puff of smoke :)
Sunday, October 18, 2009
we're splashed like paint on the pavement
summer will be here soon
the beach this weekend was fucking amazing
so is roaming at night in a white cotton dress sans shoes,
sitting outside and watching the sun go down without getting cold,
driving with the windows down and the radio up,
watching boys catching waves,
a cold vodka with ice, water and cordial through a pink straw,
that familiar warmth of sunburn all over you,
you new favourite white bra against your tanning skin,
skin that tastes salty hours later
Histrionic Personality Disorder
Classified in the DSM-IV as:
"A pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:(1) Is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the centre of attention
(2) Interaction with other is often characterised by innappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behaviour
(3) Displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions
(4) Consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self
(5) Has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail
(6) Shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion
(7) Is suggestible, i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances
(8) Considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are"
It's actually scary how accurately this describes my sort-of-ex who is back in town, Cherry.
Especially that last point. That's her to a tee. Right now, she makes me want to punch her in the face. I'd forgotten just how much she made me act like a bipolar person when she lived here. One day I'd be completely infatuated with her, the next I'd hate her guts.
What I'm wondering right now is, where the hell is the classification in the DSM-IV for those of us who fall for these people, over and over?
DSM-V writers, get onto it.
Distance Can Go Fuck Itself
Woohoo!
Remember that sort-of-ex-girlfriend I was mooning over last week? Well, now she has a name on this blog and it's Cherry. You only don't get a name if I think you're untouchable.
A bit of pedestal-isation from your host Grey.
Did I mention how I'd thought that Cherry had changed her ways?
BUMBOWWWWWWWWW wrong.
She's just as bad as she always was, read on if you want it proven to you:
Remember that sort-of-ex-girlfriend I was mooning over last week? Well, now she has a name on this blog and it's Cherry. You only don't get a name if I think you're untouchable.
A bit of pedestal-isation from your host Grey.
Did I mention how I'd thought that Cherry had changed her ways?
BUMBOWWWWWWWWW wrong.
She's just as bad as she always was, read on if you want it proven to you:
- On Friday night when she got in that cab it was with a friend of mine, Bowler, who I know through good old McFly. I assumed that the cab would drop Bowler at his house and then take Cherry on to hers. First point where Grey underestimated Cherry. She went back to his.
- Not only did she stay at Bowler's, she also fucked him.
- Not only did they fuck on Friday night, they then hung out all of Saturday and she stayed over again on Saturday night. Fucking ensued.
- I called her on Saturday afternoon to see if she was ok, she told me she was at home. Bowler later informed me that he listened in on her lieing to me during this conversation.
- Clearly worried about how I would react to this, she sent me a pre-emptive "I don't want to leave on a bad note with you x" message, before I'd found all this out.
- Then, knowing that I knew thanks to merciless facebook condemnation coming from all sides (read: McFly, Nokle and Andy, I love them), she didn't try to contact me all week.
- Then, when I saw her on Friday at Slew I (at first unintentionally) completely snubbed her and she made no attempt to rectify the situation, instead left as early as 2:30 with her tail between her legs.
- Oh and you know how she told me that Sam was a bastard and told her not to go home with me? LIES. I brought it up with him and he was astounded, saying "I would never ever say something like that, why the hell would I do that???? WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT?!"
- Now I have no idea where I stand with Sam all over again thanks to her, because she very easily could have been lieing when she said that he told Joanie he liked me. Awesome.
- But mostly, THE BITCH HAS MY FAVOURITE DENIM JACKET
No, good; I'm glad. I was concerned that wouldn't end in absolute complete catastrophe, crisis averted.
In other news, I stayed at Sam's again on Friday and it has been getting increasingly intimate/comfortable, although I have nooooooooooooo idea where this is going. And I find myself starting to really like him. Fuck.
Funny that we have a shared addiction to emotionally unstable girls a la Cherry and the girl he went home with instead of me a month back (she is getting medicated for bipolar).
It's meant to be?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Atavism
I wanna go back here:
(Yes, that is pumpkin soup, a slice of buttered bread and a cosmo. It also came with one cold sausage. That's how classy I am.)
And having friends like this:
And drink some of these:
And some of these:
And go to some "beaches" like this:
And some underground bars like this:
And getting fed and watered like this:
(Yes, that is pumpkin soup, a slice of buttered bread and a cosmo. It also came with one cold sausage. That's how classy I am.)And having friends like this:
This last one is Blondie and I back in the days when she used to come out to Slew on Fridays, I can't wait till summer to do this all over again!
<3
Monday, October 12, 2009
i smell spring
"if pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching on pills and listening to repetitive music"
.... i chuckle at this
dance dance dance
dance dance dance
dance dance dance
♥
do you think that if they show some bathers in cosmo, they would stock them in the outlets still?
are they even allowed to tease you by showing out-of-stock bathers in an article (not even a photo shoot!) about best bathers for summer?
somebody answer my prayers
i am in love with a bikini!
.... i chuckle at this
dance dance dance
dance dance dance
dance dance dance
♥
do you think that if they show some bathers in cosmo, they would stock them in the outlets still?
are they even allowed to tease you by showing out-of-stock bathers in an article (not even a photo shoot!) about best bathers for summer?
somebody answer my prayers
i am in love with a bikini!
A Self-Satisfying Wallow
Which do you think is worse:
A) Wanting someone who does not want you?
B) Wanting someone you cannot have because of distance/other complications?
Because I used to think it was the former, when I would moon over the unattainable for months on end. But now I think it's the latter. There's nothing worse than knowing that someone can make you so incredibly happy, but being unable to spend time with them.
And then what are you meant to do with the people who are right there in front of you and want you, but don't make your heart beat like the distant ones?
A) Wanting someone who does not want you?
B) Wanting someone you cannot have because of distance/other complications?
Because I used to think it was the former, when I would moon over the unattainable for months on end. But now I think it's the latter. There's nothing worse than knowing that someone can make you so incredibly happy, but being unable to spend time with them.
And then what are you meant to do with the people who are right there in front of you and want you, but don't make your heart beat like the distant ones?
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
I hurt right now.
My ex sort-of-girlfriend is visiting this little city for 9 days. The reason that was never a real relationship was because she moved interstate a few months after I met her and fell completely head over heels for her. Also, the fact that she was "coming to terms with falling in love with a girl" apparently drove her to make out with men in front of me, WHATEVS. I forgave her for that whole thang though. I haven't seen her since March, so I thought I'd be over it and be able to hang out with her without getting emotionally attached all over again.
How wrong I was.
The moment I saw her I realised just how much I'd missed her and her enthusiasm for life. She's changed a bit, but it's all for the better. She's more punctual, she's less flighty, she's less of a "loose woman". In fact, she's become more like the person I always wished she would be.
She met me after I finished work and we got coffee, which was perfectly civilised. Within 15 minutes of walking around after coffee though, it degenerated into us walking arm-around-waist and arm-around-shoulder like old, loving times.
Fuck, I've missed her.
She bought a bottle of champagne and we took it back to my house. We made a toast over an Edith Piaf record in my room, and then she dressed me for the Friday night ahead.
I'd forgotten how beautiful she was.
We walked into the Io (latenighthipster) Cafe like a golden couple. I couldn't stop smiling. She bought me a rose from a vendor and we shared a vegetarian pizza while holding hands under the table. A friend later told me I was glowing.
I'd forgotten how happy she makes me.
We went to a string of bars with a string of people and I just couldn't stop touching her. Pity that Sam was there. I've been sleeping with him on and off for awhile now, but I'd resolved that it was just fucking, with no strings attached. He'd seen another girl for few weeks while we were at the height of our liason and it seemed like he really liked her, so obviously he doesn't like me. Right? Otherwise he surely would never have gone home with her over me. However, he and my ex go way back and he really doesn't like her, so naturally he is a little protective of me around her.
Whatever.
We all ended up at Slew and danced the night away on a couple of dexies. It was probably the best time I've had there in months. Everyone was out to see her and we all just danced and danced and danced.
Here comes the tricky part.
She told me that she doesn't want to "stir shit" while she's here, because she's moved on from doing stuff like that now. She's moved away, grown up a bit and wants to salvage her sullied reputation in this town. Fair enough right? But she thinks that getting involved with me will "stir shit" with Sam. I told her that was highly doubtful, as we are just friends who enjoy certain benefits and he doesn't want me in that way.
AU CONTRAIRE, she said, apparently he had told his ex (remember Joanie?) that he regretted ever getting involved with the other girl, really liked me, and was resolving to ask me out in the next couple of weeks.
My only response was: WHAT THE FUCK?!
He was the one who rejected me, this makes no sense!
I told her that I didn't give a shit about his feelings anymore and that she was only here for 9 days and he could suck it up for that long and then could have me back afterwards.
You see, I'm fucking crazy for her, all over again.
However, as we were walking out of Slew, Sam pulled her aside and they had a chat. Then she came to me and informed me that he had whispered to her, "Don't you dare go home with Grey tonight, I want her."
What a fucking presumptuous, manipulative, underhanded, hypocritical bastard.
I wouldn't have told the other girl he went home with to back off because I was sleeping with him! And since when is it his prerogative to decide who I do and do not go home with?! I can fucking well do what I please, thankyou, I'm a big girl.
I was so, so angry.
Needless to say I was even more angry when all I could do was watch powerlessly as she got into a cab and it drove off into the night, taking her further and further away from my bed.
And, my life being what it is, Sam, not knowing that she'd told me exactly what he said, decided he was going to walk me home, right to my door like old times. And of course, he has to drop this little gem, "You're the only girl I've ever been attracted to who isn't mentally unstable ... no, attracted isn't the right word ... I mean ... not that I'm not attracted to you! Just .... oh forget it, I don't know what I'm saying."
What he was saying was that he fucking likes me, wants to date me, and can't wait until the 9 days that she is bringing a light into my life are over. I mean, sure. I like him well enough. I've grown really quite fond of him. But he doesn't make me smile like my life couldn't possibly get any better. He doesn't make me feel like we're the only ones in the room. He doesn't make me want to gloat over how happy I am.
That's all her.
So I refused to respond to his leading statement, because I knew that the moment I acknowledged his romantic advances I would have to discuss the idea of dating him. And maybe I do want to date him, but he just pales into insignificance when she's around. So he can have me when she's gone, but right now, I just want to be "blissfully unaware" of his feelings for me so I can have her.
Next weekend, fuck him, fuck her sensibilities, I'm taking her home with me and I'm going to wake up with my arm around her and smile like my life couldn't possibly get any better.
My ex sort-of-girlfriend is visiting this little city for 9 days. The reason that was never a real relationship was because she moved interstate a few months after I met her and fell completely head over heels for her. Also, the fact that she was "coming to terms with falling in love with a girl" apparently drove her to make out with men in front of me, WHATEVS. I forgave her for that whole thang though. I haven't seen her since March, so I thought I'd be over it and be able to hang out with her without getting emotionally attached all over again.
How wrong I was.
The moment I saw her I realised just how much I'd missed her and her enthusiasm for life. She's changed a bit, but it's all for the better. She's more punctual, she's less flighty, she's less of a "loose woman". In fact, she's become more like the person I always wished she would be.
She met me after I finished work and we got coffee, which was perfectly civilised. Within 15 minutes of walking around after coffee though, it degenerated into us walking arm-around-waist and arm-around-shoulder like old, loving times.
Fuck, I've missed her.
She bought a bottle of champagne and we took it back to my house. We made a toast over an Edith Piaf record in my room, and then she dressed me for the Friday night ahead.
I'd forgotten how beautiful she was.
We walked into the Io (latenighthipster) Cafe like a golden couple. I couldn't stop smiling. She bought me a rose from a vendor and we shared a vegetarian pizza while holding hands under the table. A friend later told me I was glowing.
I'd forgotten how happy she makes me.
We went to a string of bars with a string of people and I just couldn't stop touching her. Pity that Sam was there. I've been sleeping with him on and off for awhile now, but I'd resolved that it was just fucking, with no strings attached. He'd seen another girl for few weeks while we were at the height of our liason and it seemed like he really liked her, so obviously he doesn't like me. Right? Otherwise he surely would never have gone home with her over me. However, he and my ex go way back and he really doesn't like her, so naturally he is a little protective of me around her.
Whatever.
We all ended up at Slew and danced the night away on a couple of dexies. It was probably the best time I've had there in months. Everyone was out to see her and we all just danced and danced and danced.
Here comes the tricky part.
She told me that she doesn't want to "stir shit" while she's here, because she's moved on from doing stuff like that now. She's moved away, grown up a bit and wants to salvage her sullied reputation in this town. Fair enough right? But she thinks that getting involved with me will "stir shit" with Sam. I told her that was highly doubtful, as we are just friends who enjoy certain benefits and he doesn't want me in that way.
AU CONTRAIRE, she said, apparently he had told his ex (remember Joanie?) that he regretted ever getting involved with the other girl, really liked me, and was resolving to ask me out in the next couple of weeks.
My only response was: WHAT THE FUCK?!
He was the one who rejected me, this makes no sense!
I told her that I didn't give a shit about his feelings anymore and that she was only here for 9 days and he could suck it up for that long and then could have me back afterwards.
You see, I'm fucking crazy for her, all over again.
However, as we were walking out of Slew, Sam pulled her aside and they had a chat. Then she came to me and informed me that he had whispered to her, "Don't you dare go home with Grey tonight, I want her."
What a fucking presumptuous, manipulative, underhanded, hypocritical bastard.
I wouldn't have told the other girl he went home with to back off because I was sleeping with him! And since when is it his prerogative to decide who I do and do not go home with?! I can fucking well do what I please, thankyou, I'm a big girl.
I was so, so angry.
Needless to say I was even more angry when all I could do was watch powerlessly as she got into a cab and it drove off into the night, taking her further and further away from my bed.
And, my life being what it is, Sam, not knowing that she'd told me exactly what he said, decided he was going to walk me home, right to my door like old times. And of course, he has to drop this little gem, "You're the only girl I've ever been attracted to who isn't mentally unstable ... no, attracted isn't the right word ... I mean ... not that I'm not attracted to you! Just .... oh forget it, I don't know what I'm saying."
What he was saying was that he fucking likes me, wants to date me, and can't wait until the 9 days that she is bringing a light into my life are over. I mean, sure. I like him well enough. I've grown really quite fond of him. But he doesn't make me smile like my life couldn't possibly get any better. He doesn't make me feel like we're the only ones in the room. He doesn't make me want to gloat over how happy I am.
That's all her.
So I refused to respond to his leading statement, because I knew that the moment I acknowledged his romantic advances I would have to discuss the idea of dating him. And maybe I do want to date him, but he just pales into insignificance when she's around. So he can have me when she's gone, but right now, I just want to be "blissfully unaware" of his feelings for me so I can have her.
Next weekend, fuck him, fuck her sensibilities, I'm taking her home with me and I'm going to wake up with my arm around her and smile like my life couldn't possibly get any better.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Dichromatic
So I recently started a new job and it got me thinking about my own personality.
I've realised that I act completely differently in an office situation to a normal social situation. Even when we're having work drinks (at which you're meant to be able to "relax" and "let it all hang out") I'm always somewhat on my guard. I'm always watching how I act and what I say, wanting to appear professional and intelligent.
This afternoon after drinks ended, I made my usual walk to the train station to head home and ran into a friend on the way, so stopped and had a chat. By the time I made it to the station, I saw that two of my co-workers had already arrived there, having been given a lift. I immediately started chatting amicably to them, which was a complete and utter change from how quiet and reserved I'd been sitting around the meeting room table with my glass of red.
What changed?
I'd gotten out of the office, and my office persona.
I don't like to think that so many people only see one tiny facet of me. Even those of me who see the "freer" me lack acquaintance with the mousy, over-organised office me.
I pretty much feel like this bro:
I've realised that I act completely differently in an office situation to a normal social situation. Even when we're having work drinks (at which you're meant to be able to "relax" and "let it all hang out") I'm always somewhat on my guard. I'm always watching how I act and what I say, wanting to appear professional and intelligent.
This afternoon after drinks ended, I made my usual walk to the train station to head home and ran into a friend on the way, so stopped and had a chat. By the time I made it to the station, I saw that two of my co-workers had already arrived there, having been given a lift. I immediately started chatting amicably to them, which was a complete and utter change from how quiet and reserved I'd been sitting around the meeting room table with my glass of red.
What changed?
I'd gotten out of the office, and my office persona.
I don't like to think that so many people only see one tiny facet of me. Even those of me who see the "freer" me lack acquaintance with the mousy, over-organised office me.
I pretty much feel like this bro:
(c/o Eugene Ivanov, The Person with Two Faces)
And I mean, I knew this was the case, that everyone has different sides to them and acts differently in different situations. But it was just so glaring today!
Sometimes I just wish I could be one person, not some of the time, but all of the time.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
A Man of Few Words
Apparently Tallulah Bankhead once said that only good girls keep diaries because bad girls don't have the time.
This I came upon while reading Belle de Jour online. Very fitting, considering I have been so bad at updating All Our Weekends recently.
Sorry about that.
Right now, I don't have the time to update you on everything that's been happening just yet. What I do have the time to do however, is let you in on a little secret.
I've started writing again. Not blogging, but writing. It used to be a real passion of mine to the point that when I left highschool all I could really see myself doing was working a shit job to pay the bills so I could write and write and write. Uni life and post-18 life had taken the time and drive to write away from me, until now. I am freshly inspired by a new person in my life who has reminded me that I have at least a modicum of talent in a few areas that I have been neglecting. So, I give you a little character study I whipped up the other day. Those of you who know me well: Try and guess who it's about! Easy as.
A Man of Few Words
He rode up to the bar on his chestnut horse, his destination on the other side of the sunset. His porkpie hat was tilted slightly to the back, as was the fashion in those days. His blue and green tartan shirt flapped briskly around his skinny legs, encased in thick black denim and capped off with his pointy leather brogues, the spurs at the ankle looking almost like an afterthought. What a sight for sore eyes he was. As he dismounted, I noticed again that familiar slouch and his never-ending blue eyed stare. Nothing really changes, does it? He walked over to me, chewing on his tobacco.
“How have you been?” he questioned.
“I’ve been alright kid. It’s been a cold, dry winter, but we’ll pull through. How are you? It’s been too long.”
“Oh I’m well enough. It has been a long time.”
“So ... what have you been doing with yourself, riding that horse all across the countryside I’ll wager?”
“Oh sure, I’ve been around. Just riding, you know.”
And then it seemed something caught his eye and his stare was drawn off into the distance once more, leaving me alone again with the sound of his chewing tobacco smacking between his teeth.
He sure was a man of few words.
“Would you like to join me inside for a drink? It looks as if you could do with some refreshment. And that horse too, we’ll get him unsaddled and fed and watered.”
“Sounds good, thankyou.”
He followed me in through the swinging doors, his footsteps not as heavy on the wooden boards as you’d expect. Those spurs couldn’t weigh enough to be real. I chose us a table up against one of the walls and let him sit so his back wasn’t to the door. I know how much it means to him to know what’s creeping up behind him. We sat and he picked up the drinks menu, eyeing it suspiciously.
“What’s with all of these new-fangled bloody champagne cocktails and squashed frog shots? All I want is a beer.”
“Well, we’ll just share a jug shall we?”
“Sure. The cheapest one is fine.”
Nothing really changes.
“Are you hungry after your ride? You must be. Their pizza’s pretty good but if you’re only a little peckish I think they do a good tasting plate here.”
“Pizza’s good. I’ll just have a Hawaiian.”
I went up to the counter to order. “Can I get a jug of VB, a Hawaiian pizza and a ceasar salad thanks.”
“Watching the waistline eh girly? I've never known you to order a salad” The barman remarked.
“Oh no, I’m just getting bored of curry and lasagne every night. I’ll be chipping in for your microwaved chocolate cake come dessert-time though, don’t you worry Johnny.”
“Good, good. You had me a bit worried there. I wouldn’t want you ending up looking like one of those starved Hollywood gals,” he said as he gave my ample bosom a good once over.
“No danger of that, trust me. Your low-carb beer is too expensive for that to be a worry.” We both laughed.
“Don’t work too hard now Johnny!” I called back as I made my way to the table, a jug and two glasses in my hands.
It was clear from his body posture that my guest was caught in another of his reveries.
“Got something weighing on your mind?” I asked as I poured the amber liquid out equally, making sure there was just the right amount of head, exactly as he liked it.
“Oh no, not really. I’m just real tired. This travelling business takes it out of ya. All I do is ride and only pause for a short time when I come upon someplace accomodating - thanks.” He said as he took up his glass, clearly relieved to have something to do with his hands.
“And I’m sure they’re very accommodating around these parts to a pretty thing like you, kid!” I took a sip of my beer and cringed inwardly for a moment. I’d forgotten how much this stuff resembled pigswill.
“They’re accommodating enough.” He paused, looking down into his drink. “So are you still going ‘round with that Matty Wallace character?”
“Oh Matty? Good gracious, no. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen his old face. We parted on good terms, he’s moved over Mile End way nowadays, working in one of them factories. We were never much good for each other anyway.”
“Well I’m glad you ain’t sore about it. I’m glad to have found you just as I remembered.”
“Nothing much has changed?”
“Nothing’s changed for the worse, that’s for sure.”
We sat mostly in silence over dinner. I had forgotten how much he looked like a caged animal during these kind of meetings; fearful of those around him and uncomfortable as all hell. Happier on his horse, I guess. As the meal progressed we downed beer after beer, and when I could manage to think of something new to ask him his replies lengthened a little. When we’d both finished, I asked, “Would you like to come up and have a nightcap? My room’s plenty big for entertaining.”
“I was hoping you’d ask,” he replied. He took my hand to lead me up the stairs.
How had it gotten to be me asking him up for a nightcap? Time was he’d be practically dragging me away from the Spring Ball while I complained about not wanting to miss the final dance. Maybe things have changed, a little.
“There’s not too much space up here, I’ll have to sit on the bed, why don’t you take the chair?” I said as I poured each of us a nip of whiskey.
“Don’t mind if I do.” He paused, looking out the window to the darkness outside, the trees in the distance being lit up periodically by each flash of lightning.
“Not too long till the rain’ll start up over our heads.” He said matter-of-factly.
“That’s for certain.” I agreed.
He threw back his drink in one gulp and paced the two steps between the chair and the bed to take a seat next to me.
“You sure haven’t changed for the worse.” He put his hand on my knee and lent in, his lips grazing my cheek. “You’re just as you were back in those old Spring Ball days.” He took my face in his hands and kissed my lips, pressing up against me as if his life depended on it. Mustn’t have been with a woman in a long time, I guess. I reciprocated, pressing into him just the same, giving him the fight he craved. He pushed me back onto the bed and I sprawled out willingly. I expected him to grab my wrists and force my hands above my head like all the others, but no, nothing had changed. He wasn’t like those old rough and tumble ranch hands. Really, underneath this desperate exterior, he was just as scared as he always was. He’ll never be much more than a little boy to me. As he moved gently back and forth on top of me and the rain pounded the tin roof I almost wanted to cry. This was him at his most vulnerable, no spurs, no horse, no porkpie hat; just that blue-eyed stare. It was over as soon as I’d remembered.
Nothing much has changed.
This I came upon while reading Belle de Jour online. Very fitting, considering I have been so bad at updating All Our Weekends recently.
Sorry about that.
Right now, I don't have the time to update you on everything that's been happening just yet. What I do have the time to do however, is let you in on a little secret.
I've started writing again. Not blogging, but writing. It used to be a real passion of mine to the point that when I left highschool all I could really see myself doing was working a shit job to pay the bills so I could write and write and write. Uni life and post-18 life had taken the time and drive to write away from me, until now. I am freshly inspired by a new person in my life who has reminded me that I have at least a modicum of talent in a few areas that I have been neglecting. So, I give you a little character study I whipped up the other day. Those of you who know me well: Try and guess who it's about! Easy as.
A Man of Few Words
He rode up to the bar on his chestnut horse, his destination on the other side of the sunset. His porkpie hat was tilted slightly to the back, as was the fashion in those days. His blue and green tartan shirt flapped briskly around his skinny legs, encased in thick black denim and capped off with his pointy leather brogues, the spurs at the ankle looking almost like an afterthought. What a sight for sore eyes he was. As he dismounted, I noticed again that familiar slouch and his never-ending blue eyed stare. Nothing really changes, does it? He walked over to me, chewing on his tobacco.
“How have you been?” he questioned.
“I’ve been alright kid. It’s been a cold, dry winter, but we’ll pull through. How are you? It’s been too long.”
“Oh I’m well enough. It has been a long time.”
“So ... what have you been doing with yourself, riding that horse all across the countryside I’ll wager?”
“Oh sure, I’ve been around. Just riding, you know.”
And then it seemed something caught his eye and his stare was drawn off into the distance once more, leaving me alone again with the sound of his chewing tobacco smacking between his teeth.
He sure was a man of few words.
“Would you like to join me inside for a drink? It looks as if you could do with some refreshment. And that horse too, we’ll get him unsaddled and fed and watered.”
“Sounds good, thankyou.”
He followed me in through the swinging doors, his footsteps not as heavy on the wooden boards as you’d expect. Those spurs couldn’t weigh enough to be real. I chose us a table up against one of the walls and let him sit so his back wasn’t to the door. I know how much it means to him to know what’s creeping up behind him. We sat and he picked up the drinks menu, eyeing it suspiciously.
“What’s with all of these new-fangled bloody champagne cocktails and squashed frog shots? All I want is a beer.”
“Well, we’ll just share a jug shall we?”
“Sure. The cheapest one is fine.”
Nothing really changes.
“Are you hungry after your ride? You must be. Their pizza’s pretty good but if you’re only a little peckish I think they do a good tasting plate here.”
“Pizza’s good. I’ll just have a Hawaiian.”
I went up to the counter to order. “Can I get a jug of VB, a Hawaiian pizza and a ceasar salad thanks.”
“Watching the waistline eh girly? I've never known you to order a salad” The barman remarked.
“Oh no, I’m just getting bored of curry and lasagne every night. I’ll be chipping in for your microwaved chocolate cake come dessert-time though, don’t you worry Johnny.”
“Good, good. You had me a bit worried there. I wouldn’t want you ending up looking like one of those starved Hollywood gals,” he said as he gave my ample bosom a good once over.
“No danger of that, trust me. Your low-carb beer is too expensive for that to be a worry.” We both laughed.
“Don’t work too hard now Johnny!” I called back as I made my way to the table, a jug and two glasses in my hands.
It was clear from his body posture that my guest was caught in another of his reveries.
“Got something weighing on your mind?” I asked as I poured the amber liquid out equally, making sure there was just the right amount of head, exactly as he liked it.
“Oh no, not really. I’m just real tired. This travelling business takes it out of ya. All I do is ride and only pause for a short time when I come upon someplace accomodating - thanks.” He said as he took up his glass, clearly relieved to have something to do with his hands.
“And I’m sure they’re very accommodating around these parts to a pretty thing like you, kid!” I took a sip of my beer and cringed inwardly for a moment. I’d forgotten how much this stuff resembled pigswill.
“They’re accommodating enough.” He paused, looking down into his drink. “So are you still going ‘round with that Matty Wallace character?”
“Oh Matty? Good gracious, no. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen his old face. We parted on good terms, he’s moved over Mile End way nowadays, working in one of them factories. We were never much good for each other anyway.”
“Well I’m glad you ain’t sore about it. I’m glad to have found you just as I remembered.”
“Nothing much has changed?”
“Nothing’s changed for the worse, that’s for sure.”
We sat mostly in silence over dinner. I had forgotten how much he looked like a caged animal during these kind of meetings; fearful of those around him and uncomfortable as all hell. Happier on his horse, I guess. As the meal progressed we downed beer after beer, and when I could manage to think of something new to ask him his replies lengthened a little. When we’d both finished, I asked, “Would you like to come up and have a nightcap? My room’s plenty big for entertaining.”
“I was hoping you’d ask,” he replied. He took my hand to lead me up the stairs.
How had it gotten to be me asking him up for a nightcap? Time was he’d be practically dragging me away from the Spring Ball while I complained about not wanting to miss the final dance. Maybe things have changed, a little.
“There’s not too much space up here, I’ll have to sit on the bed, why don’t you take the chair?” I said as I poured each of us a nip of whiskey.
“Don’t mind if I do.” He paused, looking out the window to the darkness outside, the trees in the distance being lit up periodically by each flash of lightning.
“Not too long till the rain’ll start up over our heads.” He said matter-of-factly.
“That’s for certain.” I agreed.
He threw back his drink in one gulp and paced the two steps between the chair and the bed to take a seat next to me.
“You sure haven’t changed for the worse.” He put his hand on my knee and lent in, his lips grazing my cheek. “You’re just as you were back in those old Spring Ball days.” He took my face in his hands and kissed my lips, pressing up against me as if his life depended on it. Mustn’t have been with a woman in a long time, I guess. I reciprocated, pressing into him just the same, giving him the fight he craved. He pushed me back onto the bed and I sprawled out willingly. I expected him to grab my wrists and force my hands above my head like all the others, but no, nothing had changed. He wasn’t like those old rough and tumble ranch hands. Really, underneath this desperate exterior, he was just as scared as he always was. He’ll never be much more than a little boy to me. As he moved gently back and forth on top of me and the rain pounded the tin roof I almost wanted to cry. This was him at his most vulnerable, no spurs, no horse, no porkpie hat; just that blue-eyed stare. It was over as soon as I’d remembered.
Nothing much has changed.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
rain rain go away!
Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo, yo.
How's everything? Holidays from uni? Still working? Surfing the internet with a cup of tea in your pyjamas?
Well as for Blondie J, she's probably on top of the world. After exams finished I had an amazing weekend! Extremely drunk with Jaydee and co on Thursday night, where the main outing was to a kebab shop for greasy goodness, drunk again with Jaydee Gray Holly and Dan at Slew to farewell Gray on Friday, and a quiet party and night in with Dan on Saturday. I didn't take any flips all weekend either which made me proud! Free/cheap drinks helped and so did my general happiness ♥
The best parts of the weekend were the chats with Jaydee and the part where Dan and I made "us" an official relationship (who cares if it was a drunken dancefloor decision, right? It still counts!).
The worst parts were probably work at 9 on both Friday and Saturday mornings, and having to get off the warm couch to pick up Dan's friend from Geometry on Saturday night. How good can a weekend get though? I'm not complaining. And I got to borrow sexy clothes each night and feel amazing!
Anyway, the party didn't stop as I left for a little island off the coast for four days on Monday. Now, I will admit that I was nervous. Dan and I were three days into being official and there were going to be a lot of bangin' women on this island. Would he change his mind as soon as he got there, or would he come hang out with me and generally be my boyfriend?
Turned out it was the latter. My paranoia was unfounded yet again. I can't remember how many people (including good-looking girls) I was introduced to as "my girlfriend Blondie J". It was a wicked four days and I have to say my body is a little battered from vodka, big blunts, one Pink Playboy, nights sleeping on a blanket on the floor and trecking around a car-free island in the pouring rain. Tomorrow I have a placement at the GP all day? Nervous would be an understatement. Tasks I am expected to perform in ascending order of scariness:
1. Take histories
2. Examine cardiovascular, gastrointestinal and respiratory systems.
3. Watch a pap smear / digital rectal examination
4. Give an immunisations
5. Remove sutures
6. Perform a groin/inguinal hernia/digital rectal examination !!!!!!!!!!
I am going to distract myself from this crazy idea. As if I can do any of the last three things there. Let's just pretend I won't ever have to, okay?
Also here's an amazing tip that you should implement TONIGHT. Go and buy some sherbert cruisers. Drink them through straws (be friendly to those teeth!). They are the tastiest drinks in the world and a four year old would probably never notice the alcohol in them.
Alright well bed calls. I've been reading that book about Chris O'Brien, the Aussie surgeon who died of brain cancer. It's a beautiful book I think you should all read it!
Love love love xxxxxxxxxxx
How's everything? Holidays from uni? Still working? Surfing the internet with a cup of tea in your pyjamas?
Well as for Blondie J, she's probably on top of the world. After exams finished I had an amazing weekend! Extremely drunk with Jaydee and co on Thursday night, where the main outing was to a kebab shop for greasy goodness, drunk again with Jaydee Gray Holly and Dan at Slew to farewell Gray on Friday, and a quiet party and night in with Dan on Saturday. I didn't take any flips all weekend either which made me proud! Free/cheap drinks helped and so did my general happiness ♥
The best parts of the weekend were the chats with Jaydee and the part where Dan and I made "us" an official relationship (who cares if it was a drunken dancefloor decision, right? It still counts!).
The worst parts were probably work at 9 on both Friday and Saturday mornings, and having to get off the warm couch to pick up Dan's friend from Geometry on Saturday night. How good can a weekend get though? I'm not complaining. And I got to borrow sexy clothes each night and feel amazing!
Anyway, the party didn't stop as I left for a little island off the coast for four days on Monday. Now, I will admit that I was nervous. Dan and I were three days into being official and there were going to be a lot of bangin' women on this island. Would he change his mind as soon as he got there, or would he come hang out with me and generally be my boyfriend?
Turned out it was the latter. My paranoia was unfounded yet again. I can't remember how many people (including good-looking girls) I was introduced to as "my girlfriend Blondie J". It was a wicked four days and I have to say my body is a little battered from vodka, big blunts, one Pink Playboy, nights sleeping on a blanket on the floor and trecking around a car-free island in the pouring rain. Tomorrow I have a placement at the GP all day? Nervous would be an understatement. Tasks I am expected to perform in ascending order of scariness:
1. Take histories
2. Examine cardiovascular, gastrointestinal and respiratory systems.
3. Watch a pap smear / digital rectal examination
4. Give an immunisations
5. Remove sutures
6. Perform a groin/inguinal hernia/digital rectal examination !!!!!!!!!!
I am going to distract myself from this crazy idea. As if I can do any of the last three things there. Let's just pretend I won't ever have to, okay?
Also here's an amazing tip that you should implement TONIGHT. Go and buy some sherbert cruisers. Drink them through straws (be friendly to those teeth!). They are the tastiest drinks in the world and a four year old would probably never notice the alcohol in them.
Alright well bed calls. I've been reading that book about Chris O'Brien, the Aussie surgeon who died of brain cancer. It's a beautiful book I think you should all read it!
Love love love xxxxxxxxxxx
Saturday, June 20, 2009
It's All About the Sexy Undies
A retropost circa 20th of June
Last night was another of those nights you wish you could tell your kids about, but know that they would say "Ewww mum, you're not allowed to have done things like that!".
It was my last night out in this fine city for a month, because tonight I am leaving for London! I'm so excited, it's not even funny. I plan to hit the shops/pubs/clubs/cultural attractions hard.
Anyway, considering it was my last night I wanted to go out with a BANG. I had predrinks at my house (so convenientlty located in the inner city), to which I invited my fave gay boy Julian, a new boy he may or may not be fooling around with, Harry; Blondie J, Jaydee, Bella and a couple of other friends. Naturally, I got silly on red wine (French for $10, ridiculous!) and attempted to apply lipstick in said state as per usual, which is always a fine line between alright & a horrible choice. We all sat around shooting the shit until my dad arrived home from a drinks night, after which we shot the shit with him while he drank vodka & tonics to a soundtrack of Led Zepplin. Such good times.
At around 9.30 we left mine to go to this house party in the next street (Castle, my street and this one, Riverrun, are all parallel one after another). It was the usual scene, indie kids sitting around in unfunctionally small hats, drinking red or cheap spirits, butting out cigarettes in old jars, talking about learning Spanish or some art show and dancing to artful noise. It ended up being just Bella and I, with everyone else peeling off to other destinations and promising to meet me out at Slew after midnight. Now, the interesting part comes when some of the Castle kids turned up (surprising, right?). My three favourites, McFly, Charlie and Sam waltzing through the door sometime around 10:30 immediately made my night.
I've gotta tell you kids, this bit is all a little blurry. I was pretty drunk.
Somehow McFly, Bella and I ended up in one of the housemate's bedrooms in order to rail a ritalin I'd been carrying around since Nokle gave it to me before exams. This was a bit of a bad choice, especially considering the lessons I have already learnt about cold/wet/substances/lack of sleep/bad food combos. But what really put the icing on the cake for my poor brain was the hit of green McFly offered me. It sent me into a sick, messy downward spiral for the next half an hour, during which some major developments occurred.
First of all, I hooked up with Bella on this guy's bed while McFly chose songs on his computer - why the hell wasn't he trying to get in on that action, you may ask? Good question! I really, really don't know, considering he drops threesome innuendos like working girls drop their underwear: As a matter of course.
Next, Sam entered the room and, seeing me in such a state, immediately asked "Are you alright?". I replied "No, no I'm not", and proceeded to grasp his hand for dear life. The pressure I had to exert was the only thing keeping me conscious.
Lovely Gray, real classy.
He then suggested that we go for a walk. I, badly needing some movement and fresh air, readily agreed. In retrospect, this move was a bit of a cunning plan on Sam's part. We hadn't gotten more than 4 houses up the street before we were making out like there was no tomorrow against some poor neighbour's front wall. YES IT FINALLY HAPPENED. And yes, he's a pretty good kisser (for a boy, girls are in a league of their own).
Skip forward twenty minutes of rain-soaked outdoor makeout & groping, and you will see us return to the party and collect McFly and Charlie for the walk to Slew. The club was just as it always is, full of friends and good music. One noteable appearance was that of Sam's recent ex, Joanie. She was lovely to me as always, but keep in mind that she didn't know I'd been kissing her ex all night! He and I had a bit of a dancefloormakeout, a phenomenon that is quite unusual at Slew, most of the patrons feeling they're above that kind of behaviour, which is more suited to the lower echelons over at Washington. McFly went back to Castle pretty early, leaving Sam, Charlie and I hanging out. We all ended up walking home together, with Charlie bowing out upon our arrival at his car. He hates to sleep on the floor at Castle so he always drives, no matter his state or the early hour.
So then there were two.
Sam walked me to my house and upon the prospect of saying good night both of us lent in for a long, sex-filled kiss. "Come back to my house." It was more of a statement than a question when he said it. "I can't, I have to get up early tomorrow and pack ..." My refusal was stifled by another kiss, at the end of which he offered again. This time I couldn't help but agree. I had worn my best new sexy undies, after all.
And the rest is history.
We spent the night together and it wasn't amazing, but it was fun! It had been so so SO long since my last time. I'm really not too sure how I feel about it though, because I don't think I like him enough to date him and I don't know what he wants from me. I guess I'll just have to roll with it; wait and see.
The last interesting point happened the morning after. Sam got up to get a glass of water and returned to his room holding up a denim jacket. Except this wasn't a normal denim jacket. It was cut up and torn and ruined. All he said was, "Apparently Joanie was staying in the living room last night."
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.
You see, Sam lives with Alexa, one of Joanie's best friends. She must have decided to stay with Alexa instead of going home. So she must have heard Sam bring someone (probably obviously me) home. And apparently she decided that the best thing to do would be to cut the fuck out of his favourite jacket. She's totally stable. Yeah!
Thank GOD I'm leaving tonight. I can be away for a whole month and let those two craaaaaaaazy kids sort their shit out, without dragging me into their messy post-breakup relationship.
However; Still. Not. Happy.
On the plus side, this afternoon I had two of my favourite people come and visit me while I packed, Jaydee and McFly. As soon as he left my house McFly sent me a message saying "Miss you already". Sometimes I really, really love that boy. I'm going to miss him.
Anyway, wish me luck in Europe! I'll be back soon xx
Last night was another of those nights you wish you could tell your kids about, but know that they would say "Ewww mum, you're not allowed to have done things like that!".
It was my last night out in this fine city for a month, because tonight I am leaving for London! I'm so excited, it's not even funny. I plan to hit the shops/pubs/clubs/cultural attractions hard.
Anyway, considering it was my last night I wanted to go out with a BANG. I had predrinks at my house (so convenientlty located in the inner city), to which I invited my fave gay boy Julian, a new boy he may or may not be fooling around with, Harry; Blondie J, Jaydee, Bella and a couple of other friends. Naturally, I got silly on red wine (French for $10, ridiculous!) and attempted to apply lipstick in said state as per usual, which is always a fine line between alright & a horrible choice. We all sat around shooting the shit until my dad arrived home from a drinks night, after which we shot the shit with him while he drank vodka & tonics to a soundtrack of Led Zepplin. Such good times.
At around 9.30 we left mine to go to this house party in the next street (Castle, my street and this one, Riverrun, are all parallel one after another). It was the usual scene, indie kids sitting around in unfunctionally small hats, drinking red or cheap spirits, butting out cigarettes in old jars, talking about learning Spanish or some art show and dancing to artful noise. It ended up being just Bella and I, with everyone else peeling off to other destinations and promising to meet me out at Slew after midnight. Now, the interesting part comes when some of the Castle kids turned up (surprising, right?). My three favourites, McFly, Charlie and Sam waltzing through the door sometime around 10:30 immediately made my night.
I've gotta tell you kids, this bit is all a little blurry. I was pretty drunk.
Somehow McFly, Bella and I ended up in one of the housemate's bedrooms in order to rail a ritalin I'd been carrying around since Nokle gave it to me before exams. This was a bit of a bad choice, especially considering the lessons I have already learnt about cold/wet/substances/lack of sleep/bad food combos. But what really put the icing on the cake for my poor brain was the hit of green McFly offered me. It sent me into a sick, messy downward spiral for the next half an hour, during which some major developments occurred.
First of all, I hooked up with Bella on this guy's bed while McFly chose songs on his computer - why the hell wasn't he trying to get in on that action, you may ask? Good question! I really, really don't know, considering he drops threesome innuendos like working girls drop their underwear: As a matter of course.
Next, Sam entered the room and, seeing me in such a state, immediately asked "Are you alright?". I replied "No, no I'm not", and proceeded to grasp his hand for dear life. The pressure I had to exert was the only thing keeping me conscious.
Lovely Gray, real classy.
He then suggested that we go for a walk. I, badly needing some movement and fresh air, readily agreed. In retrospect, this move was a bit of a cunning plan on Sam's part. We hadn't gotten more than 4 houses up the street before we were making out like there was no tomorrow against some poor neighbour's front wall. YES IT FINALLY HAPPENED. And yes, he's a pretty good kisser (for a boy, girls are in a league of their own).
Skip forward twenty minutes of rain-soaked outdoor makeout & groping, and you will see us return to the party and collect McFly and Charlie for the walk to Slew. The club was just as it always is, full of friends and good music. One noteable appearance was that of Sam's recent ex, Joanie. She was lovely to me as always, but keep in mind that she didn't know I'd been kissing her ex all night! He and I had a bit of a dancefloormakeout, a phenomenon that is quite unusual at Slew, most of the patrons feeling they're above that kind of behaviour, which is more suited to the lower echelons over at Washington. McFly went back to Castle pretty early, leaving Sam, Charlie and I hanging out. We all ended up walking home together, with Charlie bowing out upon our arrival at his car. He hates to sleep on the floor at Castle so he always drives, no matter his state or the early hour.
So then there were two.
Sam walked me to my house and upon the prospect of saying good night both of us lent in for a long, sex-filled kiss. "Come back to my house." It was more of a statement than a question when he said it. "I can't, I have to get up early tomorrow and pack ..." My refusal was stifled by another kiss, at the end of which he offered again. This time I couldn't help but agree. I had worn my best new sexy undies, after all.
And the rest is history.
We spent the night together and it wasn't amazing, but it was fun! It had been so so SO long since my last time. I'm really not too sure how I feel about it though, because I don't think I like him enough to date him and I don't know what he wants from me. I guess I'll just have to roll with it; wait and see.
The last interesting point happened the morning after. Sam got up to get a glass of water and returned to his room holding up a denim jacket. Except this wasn't a normal denim jacket. It was cut up and torn and ruined. All he said was, "Apparently Joanie was staying in the living room last night."
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.
You see, Sam lives with Alexa, one of Joanie's best friends. She must have decided to stay with Alexa instead of going home. So she must have heard Sam bring someone (probably obviously me) home. And apparently she decided that the best thing to do would be to cut the fuck out of his favourite jacket. She's totally stable. Yeah!
Thank GOD I'm leaving tonight. I can be away for a whole month and let those two craaaaaaaazy kids sort their shit out, without dragging me into their messy post-breakup relationship.
However; Still. Not. Happy.
On the plus side, this afternoon I had two of my favourite people come and visit me while I packed, Jaydee and McFly. As soon as he left my house McFly sent me a message saying "Miss you already". Sometimes I really, really love that boy. I'm going to miss him.
Anyway, wish me luck in Europe! I'll be back soon xx
Thursday, June 18, 2009
If Procrastination Were an Olympic Sport, I Wouldn't Beat Blondie J, but I'd Come Pretty Close
A few quick things I wanted to discuss before I do some proper weekend posting:
- Never study Advaita Vedantan metaphysics, they will drive you CRAZY (I have 2 exams left now qiuhasdkgfna).
- I have recently become addicted to brewing tea in a teapot, with real tea leaves. I always used to drink tea from teabags, but for exams I wanted some kind of tea that I could drink cups & cups of without stuffing myself full of milk and sugar. So I turned to Oolong. Probably the best descision of my life.
It's full of antioxidants and certain girly magazines I like laughing at with Blondie claim that it "increases your metabolism by 7% for an hour after you drink it". Who do you reckon funded that little objective gem? Regardless of the truth of the metabolism claim, it gets me all hopped up on caffeine & I usually spend the next half hour all jittery and spouting such pearls of wisdom as "I NEED TO GET THESE NOTES WRITTEN BY 11 OR I WILL DEFINITELY FAIL MY EXAM AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT", (yes, I am a lightweight when it comes to caffeine, I never drink coffee).
Here is Gray's method of brewing exam-worthy oolong:
a) Buy extremely cheap tea leaves from local Asian deli
b) Put 2 teaspoons of tea into a 3-cup pot
c) Put 3 cups worth of boiling water into said pot
d) Brew for a good 10 minutes
e) Have one cup after another over the course of an hour, probably having to heat the 3rd one in the microwave
f) Repeat the process with the same tea leaves at least 3 times (the brewing gets better!)
Note: I am a fan of strong tea, but it probably wont make you act like you've drunk 4 cans of red bull, unlike me, so don't worry about adjusting the recipe or anything. - Do you think that we're going to see a lot more haircuts like La Roux now that they're getting pretty famous? I'm totally holding out for it. I predict that in a month Slew will be full of them.
I am a teeny tiny bit in love with her, their music is a bit poppier than I usually like, but it's just SO goddamn catchy. I have Blondie to thank for introducing me to their song Bulletproof and getting me hooked, although I already knew half the words to In For the Kill thanks to hearing it in the background of my day on Triple J about a million times. - A little bit of advice for you all, never start a blog right before exams because you will either a) Spend all of your time writing posts but not publishing them because you only ever get halfway through writing them before you feel too guilty about not studying; or b) Not write any posts at all because you are so dedicated to study and then feel guilty about not living up to your blogging duties. Or really, you could be a normal person and not even think about it, but HEY who's normal here?
- Never leave any important notes on tabletops if you have cats. They will sit on them and crumple them. This happened to me every year in highschool, causing me to front up to maths exams with a paw print-covered sheet of formulas, and I still haven't learnt. Yes, my cat is currently sitting on top of some notes in front of my laptop.
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