In Hindsight...

So Blondie J is thinking about why we miss our pasts.

To be honest with you, I think we miss them because we've blurred them so much in hindsight that they appear to be better than they are.

This weekend (the first for me after exams finished!) has been good, but last night I found myself wandering around Slew wishing I had still only just turned 18 and that this was all still new to me. And that the people I am now good friends/at least acquaintances with were still those intimidating cool kids I half knew from uni who always sat in the corner and smoked and stared. Sometimes I'd join their circle on the dancefloor and feel so self-conscious, wondering the whole time if they thought I was some kind of uncoordinated freak. Then that one time they offered to walk me home (considering we live around the corner from one another) and everything started to change. Now I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night thinking about how I could message one of them and go out or at least sit around on their back porch with drinks/drugs, but feeling like I just want to go to bed and that I don't really enjoy hanging out with them that much anyway.

Strange how things change, right?