Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I hurt right now.

My ex sort-of-girlfriend is visiting this little city for 9 days. The reason that was never a real relationship was because she moved interstate a few months after I met her and fell completely head over heels for her. Also, the fact that she was "coming to terms with falling in love with a girl" apparently drove her to make out with men in front of me, WHATEVS. I forgave her for that whole thang though. I haven't seen her since March, so I thought I'd be over it and be able to hang out with her without getting emotionally attached all over again.

How wrong I was.

The moment I saw her I realised just how much I'd missed her and her enthusiasm for life. She's changed a bit, but it's all for the better. She's more punctual, she's less flighty, she's less of a "loose woman". In fact, she's become more like the person I always wished she would be.
She met me after I finished work and we got coffee, which was perfectly civilised. Within 15 minutes of walking around after coffee though, it degenerated into us walking arm-around-waist and arm-around-shoulder like old, loving times.

Fuck, I've missed her.

She bought a bottle of champagne and we took it back to my house. We made a toast over an Edith Piaf record in my room, and then she dressed me for the Friday night ahead.

I'd forgotten how beautiful she was.

We walked into the Io (latenighthipster) Cafe like a golden couple. I couldn't stop smiling. She bought me a rose from a vendor and we shared a vegetarian pizza while holding hands under the table. A friend later told me I was glowing.

I'd forgotten how happy she makes me.

We went to a string of bars with a string of people and I just couldn't stop touching her. Pity that Sam was there. I've been sleeping with him on and off for awhile now, but I'd resolved that it was just fucking, with no strings attached. He'd seen another girl for few weeks while we were at the height of our liason and it seemed like he really liked her, so obviously he doesn't like me. Right? Otherwise he surely would never have gone home with her over me. However, he and my ex go way back and he really doesn't like her, so naturally he is a little protective of me around her.

Whatever.

We all ended up at Slew and danced the night away on a couple of dexies. It was probably the best time I've had there in months. Everyone was out to see her and we all just danced and danced and danced.

Here comes the tricky part.

She told me that she doesn't want to "stir shit" while she's here, because she's moved on from doing stuff like that now. She's moved away, grown up a bit and wants to salvage her sullied reputation in this town. Fair enough right? But she thinks that getting involved with me will "stir shit" with Sam. I told her that was highly doubtful, as we are just friends who enjoy certain benefits and he doesn't want me in that way.
AU CONTRAIRE, she said, apparently he had told his ex (remember Joanie?) that he regretted ever getting involved with the other girl, really liked me, and was resolving to ask me out in the next couple of weeks.
My only response was: WHAT THE FUCK?!
He was the one who rejected me, this makes no sense!
I told her that I didn't give a shit about his feelings anymore and that she was only here for 9 days and he could suck it up for that long and then could have me back afterwards.

You see, I'm fucking crazy for her, all over again.

However, as we were walking out of Slew, Sam pulled her aside and they had a chat. Then she came to me and informed me that he had whispered to her, "Don't you dare go home with Grey tonight, I want her."
What a fucking presumptuous, manipulative, underhanded, hypocritical bastard.
I wouldn't have told the other girl he went home with to back off because I was sleeping with him! And since when is it his prerogative to decide who I do and do not go home with?! I can fucking well do what I please, thankyou, I'm a big girl.

I was so, so angry.

Needless to say I was even more angry when all I could do was watch powerlessly as she got into a cab and it drove off into the night, taking her further and further away from my bed.
And, my life being what it is, Sam, not knowing that she'd told me exactly what he said, decided he was going to walk me home, right to my door like old times. And of course, he has to drop this little gem, "You're the only girl I've ever been attracted to who isn't mentally unstable ... no, attracted isn't the right word ... I mean ... not that I'm not attracted to you! Just .... oh forget it, I don't know what I'm saying."
What he was saying was that he fucking likes me, wants to date me, and can't wait until the 9 days that she is bringing a light into my life are over. I mean, sure. I like him well enough. I've grown really quite fond of him. But he doesn't make me smile like my life couldn't possibly get any better. He doesn't make me feel like we're the only ones in the room. He doesn't make me want to gloat over how happy I am.

That's all her.

So I refused to respond to his leading statement, because I knew that the moment I acknowledged his romantic advances I would have to discuss the idea of dating him. And maybe I do want to date him, but he just pales into insignificance when she's around. So he can have me when she's gone, but right now, I just want to be "blissfully unaware" of his feelings for me so I can have her.

Next weekend, fuck him, fuck her sensibilities, I'm taking her home with me and I'm going to wake up with my arm around her and smile like my life couldn't possibly get any better.