White Heart Friday

So, two weekends ago (Friday the 11th of December) I went out with my favourite girls: Caitie and Clara.

Now, Caitie has just left today (21st of December) to go to Iowa on exchange for a whole year. As such, we felt that it was necessary to make her last two weekends HUGE. So I made it my business to get ahold of some pills, which ended up being white hearts.

A little warning: If you get the real ones, these are not normal pills. They are amazing.

We took these babies in a park in the middle of the city at around 11pm and then went back to Caitie's car which was parked in my street to drop off some stuff. Half an hour later we were all sitting in the back seat, curled up in little balls, loudly talking about:

1) How incredibly high we were

2) Masturbating

3) Our general sex lives

4) Our deepest, darkest secrets

5) How amazing we think the other two are

When we decided we could walk again, we got out and drew on walls with Caitie's crayons. Caitie wrote, "I heart [insert Grey's real name here]".

Clara drew her signature catfish, which you can find on a few walls around about.

I wrote, "Gray, Fox and Racoon", me obviously being Gray, Clara being the fox and Caitie being the racoon. Those animals just suit them. Apparently I would be a cat if I were an animal. This is what Blondie J tells me anyway. And if you ask McFly what kind of "candy" I would be, he would answer, "A bon bon". What flavour bon bon McFly? "No flavour. Just plain." Is it weird that I find this somewhat insulting? He said it with love though :P

After defacing private property, we walked to Slew, singing City & Colour's Comin' Home the whole way there, arm in arm.



Upon arrival we got a few comments from complete strangers, "Party on girls!", "Having a big night huh?". We must have been the most obvious gurners ever. I felt a million bucks though. And when I got to the bathrooms and looked in the mirror I realised I had my, "I want to fuck you" face on permanently. I just couldn't stop it!

It felt great though.

Shortly after this, I spotted my kind-of-friend-ex-fuck-buddy-what-are-we?-I-still-want-to-sleep-with-you guy, Sam. And yes, I still had the face on. I still had the attitude on.

Caitie and Clara disappeared off somewhere and I found myself sitting on a wall with Sam. "Are you alright?" he asked. I was obviously getting my stare on. "I'm fine ... but I'm kind of obsessed with seducing you." "Oh really? Well, I'd say come back to mine, but I'm staying with my boss and it would just be really awkward." "Whatever, just come back to mine, I don't even care. It'll be fine ... mmmmmm ... it'll be fine."

Short silence.

I put two fingers under his chin, directing it towards me and kiss him.

THANKGOD. It's been such a long time. And I've been so obsessed with this (see: Want Some Company?, Neuroticism and Let's All Calm Down, Shall We? as a start).

Fast forward through the rest of the incredibly high night (I remember sitting in a toilet cubicle thinking, "This is beautiful, my life is beautiful") and we come to closing time.
Sam is tugging on my arm saying he's too tired and has to go home, so I bid my girls good night. The walk home is peppered with spontaneous makeout sessions when he grabs me and I push him up against a wall. Why has it been so long?

We get to my house and I remember, yeah that's right, my room is right over the corridor from my parents'. Thankfully I was high enough to not really worry.

:)

We woke up the next morning and I was still high. He felt too awkward with my parents around the house to show his face outside of my room so when it got to 3pm we crept out of the front door with some dvds in hand and made our way to where he's staying temporarily.
This is what's confusing me about Sam right now!
He's being very friendly all of a sudden. Like, let's hang out Grey! Come over and watch movies! Oh well. At least I know he's my friend regardless of whether I sleep with him or not.

And I had a fucking amazing night.

In Hindsight...

So Blondie J is thinking about why we miss our pasts.

To be honest with you, I think we miss them because we've blurred them so much in hindsight that they appear to be better than they are.

This weekend (the first for me after exams finished!) has been good, but last night I found myself wandering around Slew wishing I had still only just turned 18 and that this was all still new to me. And that the people I am now good friends/at least acquaintances with were still those intimidating cool kids I half knew from uni who always sat in the corner and smoked and stared. Sometimes I'd join their circle on the dancefloor and feel so self-conscious, wondering the whole time if they thought I was some kind of uncoordinated freak. Then that one time they offered to walk me home (considering we live around the corner from one another) and everything started to change. Now I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night thinking about how I could message one of them and go out or at least sit around on their back porch with drinks/drugs, but feeling like I just want to go to bed and that I don't really enjoy hanging out with them that much anyway.

Strange how things change, right?

Distance Can Go Fuck Itself

Woohoo!

Remember that sort-of-ex-girlfriend I was mooning over last week? Well, now she has a name on this blog and it's Cherry. You only don't get a name if I think you're untouchable.
A bit of pedestal-isation from your host Grey.

Did I mention how I'd thought that Cherry had changed her ways?
BUMBOWWWWWWWWW wrong.
She's just as bad as she always was, read on if you want it proven to you:

1. On Friday night when she got in that cab it was with a friend of mine, Bowler, who I know through good old McFly. I assumed that the cab would drop Bowler at his house and then take Cherry on to hers. First point where Grey underestimated Cherry. She went back to his.
2. Not only did she stay at Bowler's, she also fucked him.
3. Not only did they fuck on Friday night, they then hung out all of Saturday and she stayed over again on Saturday night. Fucking ensued.
4. I called her on Saturday afternoon to see if she was ok, she told me she was at home. Bowler later informed me that he listened in on her lieing to me during this conversation.
5. Clearly worried about how I would react to this, she sent me a pre-emptive "I don't want to leave on a bad note with you x" message, before I'd found all this out.
6. Then, knowing that I knew thanks to merciless facebook condemnation coming from all sides (read: McFly, Nokle and Andy, I love them), she didn't try to contact me all week.
7. Then, when I saw her on Friday at Slew I (at first unintentionally) completely snubbed her and she made no attempt to rectify the situation, instead left as early as 2:30 with her tail between her legs.
8. Oh and you know how she told me that Sam was a bastard and told her not to go home with me? LIES. I brought it up with him and he was astounded, saying "I would never ever say something like that, why the hell would I do that???? WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT?!"
9. Now I have no idea where I stand with Sam all over again thanks to her, because she very easily could have been lieing when she said that he told Joanie he liked me. Awesome.
10. But mostly, THE BITCH HAS MY FAVOURITE DENIM JACKET

No, good; I'm glad. I was concerned that wouldn't end in absolute complete catastrophe, crisis averted.

In other news, I stayed at Sam's again on Friday and it has been getting increasingly intimate/comfortable, although I have nooooooooooooo idea where this is going. And I find myself starting to really like him. Fuck.

Funny that we have a shared addiction to emotionally unstable girls a la Cherry and the girl he went home with instead of me a month back (she is getting medicated for bipolar).
It's meant to be?

Atavism

I wanna go back here:

And drink some of these:

And some of these:

And go to some "beaches" like this:

And some underground bars like this:

However, for the time being I don't much mind being here:

And getting fed and watered like this:

(Yes, that is pumpkin soup, a slice of buttered bread and a cosmo. It also came with one cold sausage. That's how classy I am.)

And having friends like this:

This last one is Blondie and I back in the days when she used to come out to Slew on Fridays, I can't wait till summer to do this all over again!

<3

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

I hurt right now.

My ex sort-of-girlfriend is visiting this little city for 9 days. The reason that was never a real relationship was because she moved interstate a few months after I met her and fell completely head over heels for her. Also, the fact that she was "coming to terms with falling in love with a girl" apparently drove her to make out with men in front of me, WHATEVS. I forgave her for that whole thang though. I haven't seen her since March, so I thought I'd be over it and be able to hang out with her without getting emotionally attached all over again.

How wrong I was.

The moment I saw her I realised just how much I'd missed her and her enthusiasm for life. She's changed a bit, but it's all for the better. She's more punctual, she's less flighty, she's less of a "loose woman". In fact, she's become more like the person I always wished she would be.
She met me after I finished work and we got coffee, which was perfectly civilised. Within 15 minutes of walking around after coffee though, it degenerated into us walking arm-around-waist and arm-around-shoulder like old, loving times.

Fuck, I've missed her.

She bought a bottle of champagne and we took it back to my house. We made a toast over an Edith Piaf record in my room, and then she dressed me for the Friday night ahead.

I'd forgotten how beautiful she was.

We walked into the Io (latenighthipster) Cafe like a golden couple. I couldn't stop smiling. She bought me a rose from a vendor and we shared a vegetarian pizza while holding hands under the table. A friend later told me I was glowing.

I'd forgotten how happy she makes me.

We went to a string of bars with a string of people and I just couldn't stop touching her. Pity that Sam was there. I've been sleeping with him on and off for awhile now, but I'd resolved that it was just fucking, with no strings attached. He'd seen another girl for few weeks while we were at the height of our liason and it seemed like he really liked her, so obviously he doesn't like me. Right? Otherwise he surely would never have gone home with her over me. However, he and my ex go way back and he really doesn't like her, so naturally he is a little protective of me around her.

Whatever.

We all ended up at Slew and danced the night away on a couple of dexies. It was probably the best time I've had there in months. Everyone was out to see her and we all just danced and danced and danced.

Here comes the tricky part.

She told me that she doesn't want to "stir shit" while she's here, because she's moved on from doing stuff like that now. She's moved away, grown up a bit and wants to salvage her sullied reputation in this town. Fair enough right? But she thinks that getting involved with me will "stir shit" with Sam. I told her that was highly doubtful, as we are just friends who enjoy certain benefits and he doesn't want me in that way.
AU CONTRAIRE, she said, apparently he had told his ex (remember Joanie?) that he regretted ever getting involved with the other girl, really liked me, and was resolving to ask me out in the next couple of weeks.
My only response was: WHAT THE FUCK?!
He was the one who rejected me, this makes no sense!
I told her that I didn't give a shit about his feelings anymore and that she was only here for 9 days and he could suck it up for that long and then could have me back afterwards.

You see, I'm fucking crazy for her, all over again.

However, as we were walking out of Slew, Sam pulled her aside and they had a chat. Then she came to me and informed me that he had whispered to her, "Don't you dare go home with Grey tonight, I want her."
What a fucking presumptuous, manipulative, underhanded, hypocritical bastard.
I wouldn't have told the other girl he went home with to back off because I was sleeping with him! And since when is it his prerogative to decide who I do and do not go home with?! I can fucking well do what I please, thankyou, I'm a big girl.

I was so, so angry.

Needless to say I was even more angry when all I could do was watch powerlessly as she got into a cab and it drove off into the night, taking her further and further away from my bed.
And, my life being what it is, Sam, not knowing that she'd told me exactly what he said, decided he was going to walk me home, right to my door like old times. And of course, he has to drop this little gem, "You're the only girl I've ever been attracted to who isn't mentally unstable ... no, attracted isn't the right word ... I mean ... not that I'm not attracted to you! Just .... oh forget it, I don't know what I'm saying."
What he was saying was that he fucking likes me, wants to date me, and can't wait until the 9 days that she is bringing a light into my life are over. I mean, sure. I like him well enough. I've grown really quite fond of him. But he doesn't make me smile like my life couldn't possibly get any better. He doesn't make me feel like we're the only ones in the room. He doesn't make me want to gloat over how happy I am.

That's all her.

So I refused to respond to his leading statement, because I knew that the moment I acknowledged his romantic advances I would have to discuss the idea of dating him. And maybe I do want to date him, but he just pales into insignificance when she's around. So he can have me when she's gone, but right now, I just want to be "blissfully unaware" of his feelings for me so I can have her.

Next weekend, fuck him, fuck her sensibilities, I'm taking her home with me and I'm going to wake up with my arm around her and smile like my life couldn't possibly get any better.

It's All About the Sexy Undies

A retropost circa 20th of June

Last night was another of those nights you wish you could tell your kids about, but know that they would say "Ewww mum, you're not allowed to have done things like that!".


It was my last night out in this fine city for a month, because tonight I am leaving for London! I'm so excited, it's not even funny. I plan to hit the shops/pubs/clubs/cultural attractions hard.

Anyway, considering it was my last night I wanted to go out with a BANG. I had predrinks at my house (so convenientlty located in the inner city), to which I invited my fave gay boy Julian, a new boy he may or may not be fooling around with, Harry; Blondie J, Jaydee, Bella and a couple of other friends. Naturally, I got silly on red wine (French for $10, ridiculous!) and attempted to apply lipstick in said state as per usual, which is always a fine line between alright & a horrible choice. We all sat around shooting the shit until my dad arrived home from a drinks night, after which we shot the shit with him while he drank vodka & tonics to a soundtrack of Led Zepplin. Such good times.

At around 9.30 we left mine to go to this house party in the next street (Castle, my street and this one, Riverrun, are all parallel one after another). It was the usual scene, indie kids sitting around in unfunctionally small hats, drinking red or cheap spirits, butting out cigarettes in old jars, talking about learning Spanish or some art show and dancing to artful noise. It ended up being just Bella and I, with everyone else peeling off to other destinations and promising to meet me out at Slew after midnight. Now, the interesting part comes when some of the Castle kids turned up (surprising, right?). My three favourites, McFly, Charlie and Sam waltzing through the door sometime around 10:30 immediately made my night.
I've gotta tell you kids, this bit is all a little blurry. I was pretty drunk.
Somehow McFly, Bella and I ended up in one of the housemate's bedrooms in order to rail a ritalin I'd been carrying around since Nokle gave it to me before exams. This was a bit of a bad choice, especially considering the lessons I have already learnt about cold/wet/substances/lack of sleep/bad food combos. But what really put the icing on the cake for my poor brain was the hit of green McFly offered me. It sent me into a sick, messy downward spiral for the next half an hour, during which some major developments occurred.

First of all, I hooked up with Bella on this guy's bed while McFly chose songs on his computer - why the hell wasn't he trying to get in on that action, you may ask? Good question! I really, really don't know, considering he drops threesome innuendos like working girls drop their underwear: As a matter of course.

Next, Sam entered the room and, seeing me in such a state, immediately asked "Are you alright?". I replied "No, no I'm not", and proceeded to grasp his hand for dear life. The pressure I had to exert was the only thing keeping me conscious.
Lovely Gray, real classy.
He then suggested that we go for a walk. I, badly needing some movement and fresh air, readily agreed. In retrospect, this move was a bit of a cunning plan on Sam's part. We hadn't gotten more than 4 houses up the street before we were making out like there was no tomorrow against some poor neighbour's front wall. YES IT FINALLY HAPPENED. And yes, he's a pretty good kisser (for a boy, girls are in a league of their own).

Skip forward twenty minutes of rain-soaked outdoor makeout & groping, and you will see us return to the party and collect McFly and Charlie for the walk to Slew. The club was just as it always is, full of friends and good music. One noteable appearance was that of Sam's recent ex, Joanie. She was lovely to me as always, but keep in mind that she didn't know I'd been kissing her ex all night! He and I had a bit of a dancefloormakeout, a phenomenon that is quite unusual at Slew, most of the patrons feeling they're above that kind of behaviour, which is more suited to the lower echelons over at Washington. McFly went back to Castle pretty early, leaving Sam, Charlie and I hanging out. We all ended up walking home together, with Charlie bowing out upon our arrival at his car. He hates to sleep on the floor at Castle so he always drives, no matter his state or the early hour.

So then there were two.

Sam walked me to my house and upon the prospect of saying good night both of us lent in for a long, sex-filled kiss. "Come back to my house." It was more of a statement than a question when he said it. "I can't, I have to get up early tomorrow and pack ..." My refusal was stifled by another kiss, at the end of which he offered again. This time I couldn't help but agree. I had worn my best new sexy undies, after all.
And the rest is history.
We spent the night together and it wasn't amazing, but it was fun! It had been so so SO long since my last time. I'm really not too sure how I feel about it though, because I don't think I like him enough to date him and I don't know what he wants from me. I guess I'll just have to roll with it; wait and see.
The last interesting point happened the morning after. Sam got up to get a glass of water and returned to his room holding up a denim jacket. Except this wasn't a normal denim jacket. It was cut up and torn and ruined. All he said was, "Apparently Joanie was staying in the living room last night."
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.
You see, Sam lives with Alexa, one of Joanie's best friends. She must have decided to stay with Alexa instead of going home. So she must have heard Sam bring someone (probably obviously me) home. And apparently she decided that the best thing to do would be to cut the fuck out of his favourite jacket. She's totally stable. Yeah!
Thank GOD I'm leaving tonight. I can be away for a whole month and let those two craaaaaaaazy kids sort their shit out, without dragging me into their messy post-breakup relationship.
However; Still. Not. Happy.

On the plus side, this afternoon I had two of my favourite people come and visit me while I packed, Jaydee and McFly. As soon as he left my house McFly sent me a message saying "Miss you already". Sometimes I really, really love that boy. I'm going to miss him.

Anyway, wish me luck in Europe! I'll be back soon xx

Feast & Famine

Friday

This was the first Friday since the beginning of the year that I have not been out on the town. And probably the 3rd Friday since I came of age that I haven't been to Slew.
Yes, I realise that I am becoming a scene queen, SHHH.
Instead, I decided that I should stay at home and study for my exams on Monday and Tuesday (now well & truly done, thank goodness). Good on them, my parents chose this of all nights to go out to a part & leave me at home alone. A perfect predrinks opportunity, I think so! But no taking advantage of it for me.
I quite badly wanted some visitors though, just for an hour or two, so I asked Blondie J what she was doing. Sadly, she was having Jaydee and Cat over to her place for chocolate eating & The Notebook watching. I decided that I couldn't take that much time out of my study schedule, things needed to be done.

It was probably a good thing that I stayed home, because come 6pm there was a knock on my door. For a second I thought it was going to be Zara and James as they'd said they might drop by on their way elsewhere, but when I opened up, who was standing there but McFly.
Turns out he wanted to borrow my psych textbook (we're doing the same unit) to study for the exam. In typical McFly fashion he never bought the book for himself. How can someone with such loaded parents be so cheap? I often ponder this.
So I agreed to lend it to him for tonight if he brought it back tomorrow.

But that wasn't all he had come for.

It turns out that last Friday had gotten McFly into some serious hot water. Marta, feeling a little raw after finding out that McFly had no intentions of ever dating her, had told a friend of hers about what had happened. She included such details as "two girls in one bed" and "McFly is seeing some girl and/or multiple girls". This friend had probably told another friend who told another friend who told a girl who is a notorious gossip. This girl in turn told a close friend of ANOTHER girl who McFly has been seeing on and off for about a year and a half now, Hana.
Bad choice.
This girl Hana is a little bit in love with McFly and despite having known him for the same amount of time as I have, does not seem to have grasped the fact that he is incapable of commitment and will never love her back. I really do feel sorry for her. True, McFly should have stopped leading her on months ago, but he seems to have continued seeing her not only for selfish reasons, but also because she wont let him go. Which kind of stops me feeling sorry for her and makes me think she's a bit of an idiot.
Long story short, upon hearing about McFly's exploits (mercifully sans my name), Hana called him and demanded an explanation. Somehow this conversation ended with him agreeing to officially date her.
WHAT THE FUCK MCFLY?!??!!
He doesn't even like her. He just feels like he "owes it to her" because he's "fucked her around so much". I tried to explain to him that it isn't going to make her feel any better if he's just dating her out of obligation and/or pity, but he "doesn't want to hurt her any more than he already has".
Suck it up McFly, if you don't want her, break it off.
This is what I told him anyway, but he just wont take my advice.
So we spent a good two hours discussing this situation and whether or not it was my fault because I'd told Marta about the other girls in the first place. I maintain that he made his bed when he decided to date multiple girls without making it clear to them that he was just hanging out with them, nothing serious; and now he has to lie in it.
Do you agree?

Oh, and to top it all of, we have this exchange:
M: "Oh, Gray, if only you would like me, then everything would be fine."
G: "But I do like you? You know that."
M: *Shrugs* "Not enough to pursue me."
G: "I didn't think you'd want me to pursue."
M: "Tell you what, if you get me out of this mess, I'll date you. Either now or sometime in the future."
G: "Are you serious?????"
M: "Sure I am."
G: "But I wouldn't want you to date me just because you felt obliged to. That's no fun."
M: "Ok. Whatever. Suit yourself."

Truly McFly, I don't get you. You so often talk about how good we would be together, but then spend the other half of the time pointing out why we wouldn't work out. And surely if you wanted me you would have me already.

Actually, no, I do get you. You want me to keep on digging you so you feel special and you want my emotional support. That's ok, you've got the support regardless. Let's just be best friends? Oh who am I kidding, I'll probably always have a niggling little yen for you, even though you are a complete bastard.
But fuck it, it certainly makes life more interesting.

Single Beds Are Not Made for 3 People & Other Lessons Learnt

Hey kids, Gray here.

I just got back from spending the day at uni when I really didn't have to be there (it's study break). I saw the most beautiful sunset (pink & grey) on my way home though, so at least that made up for it.
Because I love you (and because I have run out of concentration), I am going to tell you the story of my weekend instead of writing my assignment which is due tomorrow morn at 9.

Friday
This was the first day I felt like a real person (ie. not sick as a dog) all week! As Blondie J mentioned, my Friday started with some study and then a visit from her. This was to drop off a dvd, Sweet Sixteen (which I actually never got to watch, sorry Blondie!), but ended up being a goss sesh as per usual. I told her about the seriously unsettling conversation I had with McFly the night before, during which he pushed me to tell him what I thought his character flaws were until about 1am (for the record: selfish, incapable of empathy, unreliable to the point of ridiculousness). This put me in an incredibly bad mood & generally made me annoyed at him, especially when he started complaining that some girl who used to like him was now with another guy - note here that he didn't want her at all, he just wanted her to like him! He's such a dickhead sometimes.
Blondie made me laugh pretty hard with her copy of Cleo and then drove me to uni because she got all paranoid about Dan reading her old msn conversations (which were admittedly full of embarassing references to him) on her laptop which he had borrowed. So we visited Dan & he sorted out a few flips for me (the same ones I had last weekend, WHICH WERE AMAZING). Then I went off to sort out some uni stuff and recieved a message from Charlie asking me if I was at End of Semester Show - this is just everyone hanging out at the tav at uni on the last day of semester & getting legless. I thought I'd give it a go, but was adamant that I wouldn't drink, given that I was recovering from that darned tonsillitis. So I went & met Charlie at the tav for some chats. Turns out everyone I hadn't seen for a week was there, so I got all the chats I wanted :)
Charlie was already admirably drunk for 2 in the afternoon when I arrived and in this state was all droopy-eyed & lovely. I think we planned to have a roadtrip at the end of the year sometime. A drug-fueled road trip. I'm so up for it! Not surprisingly, it only took him about an hour to talk me into finishing his beer. Following that, I decided that the floodgates had been opened, so I may as well let the liquor run freely.
Daquiris all round!
Here's where it starts to get exciting:

C: "I really shouldn't be telling you this ... but I'm drunk enough that I don't care ..."
G: "Ooo what Charlie?!?! Tellll meeeeee :D"
C: "You have a secret admirer."
G: "WHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHO?!?!"
C: "Well I can't tell you that. For starters I can tell you that it's a guy."
G: "Ok ok. Can you give me any more hints?"
C: "Well he's part of the usual scene. We hang out with him a fair bit. And I don't know how close you are to him, but you knew him from before. You're definitely friends. I haven't spoken to him about this yet, but people have been talking and Andy has been dropping hints about it."
G: "Nooooo that's so not enough, you have to tell me!! Ok. Well. I have an inkiling of who it may be. But wait. That couldn't be right. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."

Here's me weighing up the possibilities.
Oh, and it's NOT McFly.

I spent most of the rest of the afternoon/evening chatting to Charlie, my lovely friend Clara who is a regular at Slew and speaks like a true thespian, McFly (who came up to me and gave me a huge hug, initiated by nuzzling into my neck; oh McFly) and Charlie's ex girlfriend Sara. Now, it's pretty great that Charlie and Sara are speaking again because they are both such fun to hang out with, I loved spending time with them when they were together. Now it can happen again without being awkward!
Come closing time at the tav, we all ended up in Charlie's car being driven to someone's house; with the exception of Clara and (unfortunately) the addition of Mark Nokle. Now, Mark Nokle is an ok guy, don't get me wrong. But he's a bit fucking weird. And on an odd weekend with McFly and a girl he was seeing at the time, Mark Nokle hit on me pretty hard and scared the living daylights out of me. No. Way. In. Hell.
The house we ended up at was pretty unexciting, just some people smoking j's and shooting the shit. Nokle seemed particularly unimpressed as he managed to fall asleep in the middle of a stranger's couch, surrounded by people he didn't know. At 8:30 at night.
Thank goodness Sara had the presence of mind to take photos.

After we got too bored we hit the road & picked up some fast food to munch on. Sara and I got a serious case of the giggles in the back seat & it reminded me how different it is to hang out with girls! I clearly don't get enough B/J/C time anymore.
On our way to the next party, we picked up Marta who had been waiting at a trainstation patiently for AGES (all thanks to the notoriously unreliable McFly). Marta is a fresher (read: first year uni) who McFly has "taken under his wing" (yes, cue ominous music here).
Problem with the next party is that it was an 18th (how weird to be going to one of those these days) that had a list. And we were not on that list. Thankfully (or not so thankfully, as the case may be) Nokle literally lived on the same street as this girl so we just went back to his house.
Shortly after arriving Charlie decided he wanted to get out of there, but as Marta was underage we couldn't take her out on the town with us. So Charlie left and took Sara home and McFly, Marta and I prepared for a night in at Nokle's.
Experiences of note, pre-bedtime:

• Raiding Nokle's fridge & finding very little
• Riding on an electric scooter to the corner shop to buy ingredients for nachos (nb. this was under great duress, neither Marta nor I wished to ride on the back of one of those flimsy things while gripping on to Nokle's shoulders for dear life, but we both were forced to)
• Warm milo
• Watching Karate Kid till 2am
• Seeing Nokle fall asleep on yet another couch in company, this time his own

So here comes the fun part. There are a total of 3 beds in Nokle's house. One of them is Nokle's. The other is his dad's. The third is a spare.
There is absolutely no way in hell anyone was going to sleep in Nokle's bed, for fear of having him join at some ungodly hour (shudder). And no one wanted to chance sleeping in his dad's bed, in case he came home to find us there (awkwardddd). So it was the spare room for us. Problem with the spare bed it that it was somewhere between a single and a double bed - so not sufficiently sized for 3 people! But we made it work.
Ok, mostly McFly made it work.
We spent that night with Marta in the middle and McFly's arms encircling her so that his hands could be all over ME on her other side. Yes folks, his hands were down my top & up and down my waist alllllllllllllllll night. With Marta in the middle. Oh and did I mention he tried (and failed) to gun for a threesome? Not surprising considering I get threesome innuendo from him every other day as I'm the only girl he knows who likes girls as well as guys!
Why the hell did I let him do this? Oh, it might have had something to do with the alcohol I'd drunk (while still on antibiotics) or maybe that ritalin I took to stay awake for Karate Kid.

And now here's where it really gets fucked up.
The next morning while McFly was showering, I bitingly mentioned to Marta that if he weren't meant to be meeting up with the girl he was seeing, he would be sleeping through till 5pm.

M: *Sigh* "How many girls is he seeing?"
G: "Ahhh at the moment pretty much just her, but he's really not a girlfriend kind of a guy. He's always hooking up with multiple girls."
M: "Oh god."
G: "Oh Marta, seriously, take it from someone who's been there - DON'T GET INVOLVED."
M: "It's a bit late for that. I hooked up with him a few weeks ago. And I don't know, I just really like him and he said that he likes me too but doesn't want a relationship right now. My friend Faith said that he's probably just insecure and actually does want to go out with me, but I just have to give it time."
G: "NONONONONONONO, I'm so, so sorry, but that's absolutely not it. McFly does not date girls. Not anymore. And if he does want to date them, he does it as soon as he can. Plus, he's leaving at the end of the year Marta."
M: "Ohhh I don't know, he hasn't planned it yet at all, he's leaving his exchange stuff to the last minute..."
G: "Trust me, the moment he can get out of here, he will. Don't keep your hopes up thinking he'll stick around."

And she didn't even know I'd hooked up with him! Poor love. It was like talking to myself at that time last year. Not a fun experience.

Given this conversation, the train ride home was a little awkward. Marta and I spent most of it in pissed-off, stony silence. Me, because he had done this to ANOTHER girl, the asshole (and probably didn't mean anything he'd said in our previous weird conversation) and Marta because I'd crushed her hopes of being with him with the harsh truth.
After she got off the train, I told McFly about my conversation with Marta. He wasn't exactly happy, but he wasn't apologetic either. He has no concept of how painful it is to be led on like that!
Just to top everything off, (McFly knows how to keep me on side), he dropped another veritable bomb:

"If only I were a one-woman man. Because if I were a one-woman man, then I think that Gray would be that woman."

Then he traipsed off to meet his girl (after offering for me to meet her - how is that awkward Gray, I don't understand?).

Questions to ponder for this post: Who is my secret admirer? Is McFly serious, or is he just fucking with me like everyone else? Will Marta hate me a little bit forever for telling her about the realities of McFly? Was that even the right thing to do???

That's all for tonight lovelies, I'll update you on Saturday's happenings tomorrow (stay tuned for admirer revelations!)

Gray xx

Tonsillitis & Med Study

HEY EVERYONE.
I've been laid up with this goddamned infection since Sunday (yes, it's Thursday today) and it's starting to drive me a bit batty.
Ok, ok. It's probably only starting to drive me crazy because of the really, really weird and intense conversation I had on fb chat on Tuesday with McFly. I'll keep this fairly short, because if I don't limit myself I will actually keep ranting for pages and pages and pages (and that should be what weekend recounts are for, not obsessive speculations about "friends").
So, we were having a fairly normal discussion about how bad my tv watching tastes are (I don't see what the problem is with watching Queer As Folk, True Blood and Secret Diary of a Call Girl for a little escapism, but McFly seems to take issue with it). Then somehow we got onto how I like to avoid conflict, and he just drops this bomb:

"You know, if you were a little more like me & a little less passive, I think I'd fall in love with you."

YOU WHAT?????????
Needless to say, this was a little much for my poor, ill body to take. As I made fairly clear to him, that is not an alright thing to say to someone who has been battling their crush on you for a year and a half (ie. the entire time they've known you). I had forgotten, of course, that McFly is pretty much the least empathetic person of all time, and therefore needs to actually be TOLD if a girl is into him. Idiot. As a result, I pretty much unintentionally came out of the closet to him about my repressed love for him (thankfully not in so many words) and he kind of ..... encouraged it. None of this, "Gray, you know I really love you as a friend, but I just don't feel that way about you" stuff. OH NO. Just kind of like, "You should tell me things more often. Certain things." And, "You should have stayed with me on Friday night, shame you didn't."
Maaaaaake up your miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiindddddddddddddddd!!
I say this because he's "sorta", "kinda", "hanging out with" this girl he met at Slew the other week. So I really just want to say to him, "Please can we just be friends so I can recommence my mission to get over you or can you categorically tell me that you want to be more than friends?"
But I'll never do that - guess why? BECAUSE I'M TOO PASSIVE.
Oh, lol.

So to conclude, I reallyreallyreally want to go to uni today because he suggested I "come and keep him company and then we can go to get some grub" (note: food never happens when this invitation is issued, he always has to go home or something, this is definitely not a date invitation, but it's still a hangout invite!). This hangout could lead to some resolution/clarification of what is going on post-Tuesday. But I can't go. Because I still can't walk around for more than 5 minutes without needing to sit down again. Fuck life.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I'm overthinking this to the point of insanityyyyyyy.

In Other News
Blondie J has been holed up in her studycave since the inception of this blog, but promises NAY, PINKY SWEARS, that she will be posting her story of last weekend (including Sleepless in Seattle watching) as soon as her exam is over.
She's learning to be a doctor so when it comes to crunch time she actually has to ... crunch? Doesn't help that she spends far too few of her days at university/hitting the books during semester ;)

Talk soon kids xxxxxxxx

Getting to Know You

Evening, Morning, Afternoon.

This is your blogger Gray, posting for the very first time. We decided to start this blog in order to keep a bit of a record of our adventures & to give anyone who may read about them an interesting few minutes (we hope!). So please, dig in and enjoy. I'd like to start this off with a bang, so here's the story of my weekend:

Friday Night
WHAT A DOOZY kids. Really.
Friday started off horrible, cold and rainy. I was quite prepared not to go out at all (but when has that ever happened, right?).

To kick things off, Blondie J came to my house for some chats & shops - also to avoid uni study, seems like a normal Friday already. She talked me into going with her to Jaydee's house to watch a few movies with them & Cat. A grrrly night in. I was meant to go to a party with the Castle kids (necessary backstory: 3 of them live in a house together, known as "Castle" & they have an extended group of friends who all hang out together all the time, also known as Castle. Total scene queens and fun as. I have come to be not one of them, but a Castle acquaintance at least. And I have never known any of them to do anything by half measures). However, the Castle party got cancelled & so they were all just going to go hang out at Castle instead, I decided I might go over there later if I wasn't too tired. SO Jaydee's it was.

We got out Sleepless in Seattle (which I had never seen! How that's possible at the age of 18, I don't know either, cats). Sooooooooooooo mooshy & ridiculous. But fun.
Then I got Blondie to drive me home so I could decide from there (nb. Castle is a mere 5 minutes walk from my house, how convenient, right?). I arrived home to a slightly drunken step mother who had been out on the town with an artist friend of hers. I was still vacillating between calling friends and staying home, so she pounced on the opportunity and convinced me to go out for a drink with her. I suggested that we hit the best oldies bar in town, College (so ironic, love it), at which a good friend of mine, Shark, works. She is beautiful & so always complains about the fact that her tips get pooled at the end of the night (HA).

So off stepmum & I go for a couple of vodkacranberries (the poor man's cosmo) with a little extra vods from Shark (thanks ma cherie). SM complains about the lack of any "men she finds cute - AT ALL" and all I can do is reply, "Well what did you expect, it's a 40+ cruising ground, seriously??". As I started to get a bit liquored (thank you SM for not finishing your drink, thank you Shark for giving me a nearly-full beer that would otherwise have been doomed as "spillage") I of course decided that the night was yet young and ready for the taking so I messaged the adorable Sam. The S man has recently been adopted by Castle after breaking up with his long term girlfriend, as most of their mutual friends still hang out with her *awkward*, and Castle love him for his style & his allnightlongparty(butquietly) attitude. In short, he is lovely, and by far the most reliable of everyone who hangs out at Castle, far more than the beautiful but impossible McFly who I had been talking to about hangouts earlier.

A hop, skip & a jump later and there I was, bottle of red in hand, at Castle. All the crew were there, about 10 in all. I said hi & took a seat out on the back porch in one of their nice, unsteady plastic chairs (I was really gunning for the wheelchair they have, but it had been rained on). Pleasantries & chitchat about snuggies & pug dogs out of the way, it was decided that everyone would stay in (given the awful weather) and drop a pill. Thankfully there was a spare so I could have one (oh, how lucky I was). Just as it started to kick in, Charlie, everyone's favourite Brit, suggested that we go out & hit the town. I agreed, not wanting to waste a good high. I mean, I enjoy staying in & having a gab with friends, but this shit was proving itself to be STRONG and I just wanted to dance! Something that would be ohso against the rules at Castle (they're a little too hip to do something like that). I found myself thanking my lucky stars for Charlie & his initiative because I was in the happiest, loved-up place of my life. I kept giggling at C while he was changing the music in his car. Just before we arrived it occurred to me that if I felt like that, he too felt like that and ... WAIT A SECOND HOW ARE YOU DRIVING???? "Oh don't worry Gray, I'm not as bad as you ... this is like a Friday night ritual anyway, I pretty much go on autopilot."
Right you are Charlie. We do go to the same place every week.

So I've gotta tell ya, our favourite club/bar Slew is a bit of a blur. Although we were there from at least 1:30 to 4am.
A few highlights for you all:

• DANCEDANCEDANCE
• Smokesmokesmoke (horrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrible)
• Seeing my friend Bella who is SUCH a smouldering beauty wearing furs & running with her to find some gum.
• Hugging Charlie on the dance floor approximately 5 times throughout the night
• Kissing a girl who was an ex of Charlie's while he smoked yet another rolly outside in the rain
• Introducing myself to the girl Charlie hooked up with not only this night, but ALSO the week before, in order to find out for him what her name was
• Being photographed yet again by the scene photographer who pulls off a Buddy Holly haircut & glasses combo very well; reminding me that I spend wayyyy too much time here
• Receiving a message from Sam informing me that Charlie & I were "missing out on some loving vibes" back at Castle

At close (4am) Charlie & I headed back to his car, with the girl I kissed/his ex who begged a lift home. Was this awkward you ask? Surprisingly not my friends. But that might just have been all the serotonin bouncing around in my synapses switching off my capacity for awkwardness.

So Charlie dropped me back at Castle in the pouring rain where I knocked on the door a good 3 times (!) before considering calling Sam to come let me in. For some weird reason I decided this would be presumptuous. What is up with my brain kids??? Whatever, I was pretty wet as well & didn't like the thought of sitting outside in the freezing cold for another 3 hours. So I just walked back to my house & my warm, comfy bed.

Ok, lies. I sat on facebook/blogs/email for another hour at least before bed. But then bed!

Saturday
So on Saturday afternoon I woke up FEELING AMAZING. Really kids, this was a great flip. I was actually still a little high. Shortly after picking up some lunch I get an odd text from McFly (who is my closest friend among the Castle kids, and the one with whom I have the most complicated relationship) saying "Msg her."

What the hell this was about I have no idea.

The girl I kissed last night???? Maaaaybe. But he never told me why.
MCFLY WHY ARE YOU SO CONFUSING
I'll do some digging & get back to you readers.

Anyway, I messaged back querying what the hell he was talking about & suggested he come over for some lunch if he was still in the area. The boy never eats, it's necessary. Half an hour later my doorbell rings.
"Oh, it's McFly!", I exclaim.
Oh but no. I open the door to a whole bevvy of boys (my favourite kind, pity I'm good friends with them all hehe).

Let's have a list, shall we?

• McFly (American, beautiful, tempting, unattainable)
• Sam (lovely)
• Andy (the reddest of heads, gay, quiet but intriguing, one of the 3 who actually lives at Castle)
• Ivan (Andy's boyf, a new addition to the set)
• Max Dunkeld, often referred to as "Dunkeld" (a photographer & the most enigmatic inhabitant of Castle Street. He once told me that I had "a look about me that made it seem like I knew the answers to all questions - like a sage or an oracle". See what I mean? Best compliment I've ever gotten though.)

So the boys & I had a nice chat on my back veranda with Turkish bread, salami, dip & chocolate biscuits. What a pleasant surprise it was. Pity I hadn't had the presence of mind to change out of my velvet leggings WITH A HOLE IN THE CROTCH. Don't be surprised when I tell you I kept my legs crossed the entire time until I could contrive a reason to go to my room & change into some jeans. Thank goodness for oversized men's t-shirts!

After they left I had finally come down from Friday night's recreation aid & had located a joint. One that was far, far stronger than I had expected, because I was a slowwwwwwwwwwwww mess for the next 4 hours.
A special sorry must go to Shark who came to visit me in this state, my memory of our conversations is a giggly blur. Also apologies to my cousin, who called our house to tell us she just got engaged to her long-term boyf (congratulations!!); I totally couldn't appreciate it.
Just as I was beginning to come out of it Andy invited me to come over to Castle to help him with an essay he was writing. He was home alone and HATES that, and I love essay writing, so really it was a match made in heaven. Right here is where you can pinpoint where I went wrong:

1. Spending time outside on the Castle porch for copious smokebreaks (Andy smoking, not me!) in the chilling cold
2. Happily taking the half a dexie Andy offered me to stay awake/get out of stonerville
3. Staying at Castle until Andy was 3/4 of the way through the essay, at which time it was around 3am

Add 1, 2 and 3 together in a human mixing bowl, marinate until Sunday morning and VOILA, we have severe, bed-confining, tonsillitis.
Not. Alright.

So dear readers, this is tonsillitis-y Gray signing off her very first post on All Our Weekends.
I hope you have enjoyed & learnt something from my escapades: Take many substances, sit out in the cold, don't sleep, don't eat well & you WILL become ill.

Chat to you later cats,

Gray.