Feast & Famine

Friday

This was the first Friday since the beginning of the year that I have not been out on the town. And probably the 3rd Friday since I came of age that I haven't been to Slew.
Yes, I realise that I am becoming a scene queen, SHHH.
Instead, I decided that I should stay at home and study for my exams on Monday and Tuesday (now well & truly done, thank goodness). Good on them, my parents chose this of all nights to go out to a part & leave me at home alone. A perfect predrinks opportunity, I think so! But no taking advantage of it for me.
I quite badly wanted some visitors though, just for an hour or two, so I asked Blondie J what she was doing. Sadly, she was having Jaydee and Cat over to her place for chocolate eating & The Notebook watching. I decided that I couldn't take that much time out of my study schedule, things needed to be done.

It was probably a good thing that I stayed home, because come 6pm there was a knock on my door. For a second I thought it was going to be Zara and James as they'd said they might drop by on their way elsewhere, but when I opened up, who was standing there but McFly.
Turns out he wanted to borrow my psych textbook (we're doing the same unit) to study for the exam. In typical McFly fashion he never bought the book for himself. How can someone with such loaded parents be so cheap? I often ponder this.
So I agreed to lend it to him for tonight if he brought it back tomorrow.

But that wasn't all he had come for.

It turns out that last Friday had gotten McFly into some serious hot water. Marta, feeling a little raw after finding out that McFly had no intentions of ever dating her, had told a friend of hers about what had happened. She included such details as "two girls in one bed" and "McFly is seeing some girl and/or multiple girls". This friend had probably told another friend who told another friend who told a girl who is a notorious gossip. This girl in turn told a close friend of ANOTHER girl who McFly has been seeing on and off for about a year and a half now, Hana.
Bad choice.
This girl Hana is a little bit in love with McFly and despite having known him for the same amount of time as I have, does not seem to have grasped the fact that he is incapable of commitment and will never love her back. I really do feel sorry for her. True, McFly should have stopped leading her on months ago, but he seems to have continued seeing her not only for selfish reasons, but also because she wont let him go. Which kind of stops me feeling sorry for her and makes me think she's a bit of an idiot.
Long story short, upon hearing about McFly's exploits (mercifully sans my name), Hana called him and demanded an explanation. Somehow this conversation ended with him agreeing to officially date her.
WHAT THE FUCK MCFLY?!??!!
He doesn't even like her. He just feels like he "owes it to her" because he's "fucked her around so much". I tried to explain to him that it isn't going to make her feel any better if he's just dating her out of obligation and/or pity, but he "doesn't want to hurt her any more than he already has".
Suck it up McFly, if you don't want her, break it off.
This is what I told him anyway, but he just wont take my advice.
So we spent a good two hours discussing this situation and whether or not it was my fault because I'd told Marta about the other girls in the first place. I maintain that he made his bed when he decided to date multiple girls without making it clear to them that he was just hanging out with them, nothing serious; and now he has to lie in it.
Do you agree?

Oh, and to top it all of, we have this exchange:
M: "Oh, Gray, if only you would like me, then everything would be fine."
G: "But I do like you? You know that."
M: *Shrugs* "Not enough to pursue me."
G: "I didn't think you'd want me to pursue."
M: "Tell you what, if you get me out of this mess, I'll date you. Either now or sometime in the future."
G: "Are you serious?????"
M: "Sure I am."
G: "But I wouldn't want you to date me just because you felt obliged to. That's no fun."
M: "Ok. Whatever. Suit yourself."

Truly McFly, I don't get you. You so often talk about how good we would be together, but then spend the other half of the time pointing out why we wouldn't work out. And surely if you wanted me you would have me already.

Actually, no, I do get you. You want me to keep on digging you so you feel special and you want my emotional support. That's ok, you've got the support regardless. Let's just be best friends? Oh who am I kidding, I'll probably always have a niggling little yen for you, even though you are a complete bastard.
But fuck it, it certainly makes life more interesting.

Power Corrupts

I've been studying so hard for exams, you'd think I couldn't fit anything blogworthy into my week. Right?

Wronggggggggggg.

Thursday

The first part of the day I spent studying like a good little student, but around lunchtime (while I was watching Secret Diary of a Call Girl, yes I am shameless) I got a message from an old flame.

Her name is Zara and a few years ago, when I was about 16, she fucked with my head mercilessly. We didn't live in the same city, but somehow I completely fell for her. It was ridiculous I know! But this was a long time ago, so I have well & truly gotten over it. Pretty much.
Thing is, she's back in town "for good" (she fails pretty dismally at staying in one place for very long, but vows that this one is for realll) and due to my recent arrival on the club scene we now seem to have a lot of mutual friends.

Today, she asked me if she could come & visit me on her way back from the birthday lunch of her favourite gay boy James (who is now a fair-to-good acquaintance of mine). I didn't want to interrupt my parents (sidenote: there is no way I'm moving out while I'm still at uni, this is too sweet a deal) so I said I would come & meet them somewhere. Half an hour later saw me, a little nervous but oh so confident that I am now the hotter, more successful, happier one; walking up to their table at Our House (a very confusingly named bar/restaurant in town).
Keep in mind that this is the first time I have seen her in 2 years.
I was completely and utterly right about being the hotter one (she's gained weight, I've lost it & gotten a far better haircut than at 16) and the fact that I don't really care about her anymore gives me the upper hand.
"I have hand!" as George in Seinfeld would say.
So as James and I gossiped away about friends & ex-lovers, Zara was messaging me from across the table:

"I really want to kiss you."

"You drive me crazy."

"Not just because I'm drunk but I really want you."

"I like, wow, I don't know Gray, I'm blown away."

"You look amazing."

And through all of this I can't help but give her just a liiiiiiiitle bit, but not enough to committ myself to anything.
I'm terrible, right?
But see, this really isn't me at all. I am not the manipulator. I get manipulated. It's just that this time, the tables have turned and I can't help myself. She fucked with me SO MUCH and maybe I do still want to hook up with her now, if only to gain some sense of closure. You know; "She who I wanted once, now wants me". Full circle accomplished.
Let's just hope that I don't get sucked into playing this game too much.
There are boys like Sam and McFly to think of, after all. Not to mention my mental health.

More about the Zara situation in my upcoming post about Saturday.

Gray xx