Power Corrupts

I've been studying so hard for exams, you'd think I couldn't fit anything blogworthy into my week. Right?

Wronggggggggggg.

Thursday

The first part of the day I spent studying like a good little student, but around lunchtime (while I was watching Secret Diary of a Call Girl, yes I am shameless) I got a message from an old flame.

Her name is Zara and a few years ago, when I was about 16, she fucked with my head mercilessly. We didn't live in the same city, but somehow I completely fell for her. It was ridiculous I know! But this was a long time ago, so I have well & truly gotten over it. Pretty much.
Thing is, she's back in town "for good" (she fails pretty dismally at staying in one place for very long, but vows that this one is for realll) and due to my recent arrival on the club scene we now seem to have a lot of mutual friends.

Today, she asked me if she could come & visit me on her way back from the birthday lunch of her favourite gay boy James (who is now a fair-to-good acquaintance of mine). I didn't want to interrupt my parents (sidenote: there is no way I'm moving out while I'm still at uni, this is too sweet a deal) so I said I would come & meet them somewhere. Half an hour later saw me, a little nervous but oh so confident that I am now the hotter, more successful, happier one; walking up to their table at Our House (a very confusingly named bar/restaurant in town).
Keep in mind that this is the first time I have seen her in 2 years.
I was completely and utterly right about being the hotter one (she's gained weight, I've lost it & gotten a far better haircut than at 16) and the fact that I don't really care about her anymore gives me the upper hand.
"I have hand!" as George in Seinfeld would say.
So as James and I gossiped away about friends & ex-lovers, Zara was messaging me from across the table:

"I really want to kiss you."

"You drive me crazy."

"Not just because I'm drunk but I really want you."

"I like, wow, I don't know Gray, I'm blown away."

"You look amazing."

And through all of this I can't help but give her just a liiiiiiiitle bit, but not enough to committ myself to anything.
I'm terrible, right?
But see, this really isn't me at all. I am not the manipulator. I get manipulated. It's just that this time, the tables have turned and I can't help myself. She fucked with me SO MUCH and maybe I do still want to hook up with her now, if only to gain some sense of closure. You know; "She who I wanted once, now wants me". Full circle accomplished.
Let's just hope that I don't get sucked into playing this game too much.
There are boys like Sam and McFly to think of, after all. Not to mention my mental health.

More about the Zara situation in my upcoming post about Saturday.

Gray xx

Rainy Days In Bed

Aren't they just wonderful?

So anyway. Just in case you were hanging out for the story? Dan DID call and come over Monday night. We ate dinner with my mum and then watched some TV with my sister. Watched some Seinfeld on DVD alone. Slept and woke up at 8am to listen to the thunder rattling the windows and cuddle. Enjoyed a day alone in my house on the big fold out bed with hundreds of pillows. Looked for my poor pup, who ran away becuase he's so scared of thunder! Found the silly thing. Watched Mullholland Drive (does anyone here understand that movie at all??). Had some billies with my little brother and his friends on the verandah. Watched Zoolander and giggled and and ate a packet of easter eggs. Talked in the dark about heaps of things that have been worrying about lately. Drifted off to sleep again. He left while I was sleeping this morning to make it home in time for band practise. What was I so worried about? Why do us girls always have to work ourselves up to be so paranoid about everything?

I'm about to go run some errands and hang with Grace then Jaydee. I booked my GP placement on the phone this morning! I'm scared. I have to give people needles and other various terrifying procedures. And I have my first session the day after I return from the boozy mid-year break vacation to a little island off the coast... Here's hoping I have some brain cells and dignity left by then!

Blondie J xoxoxo