New Woman, Old Woman

I woke up on Wednesday morning feeling like everything was a little bit freer and easier than it had been on Tuesday night. Thinking about this Sam thing made me want to shrug my shoulders and say, "Eh, no big deal. Neither of us are really interested in each other. Whatever." for the first time in a long time.
I spent the day strutting my stuff from one side of the city to another (I think I walked for about 3 hours!) in an outfit that made me feel like a million bucks, listening to trashy music that made me feel sexy. There's nothing a good strut in public can't fix, especially when it draws appreciative looks!
I felt like a new woman, with a new, more positive outlook on life and just a touch more self-worth.

Mmm, pity I fucked it up that night.

I got a message at 7:30 from Sam asking me to go out with him and a friend of ours who is visiting for a few weeks. However, due to various family committments, I couldn't go until 11 or 12. Unfortunately, by the time I was free, he wasn't answering his phone. Drunk, I assumed.
This resulted in the drunken hour during which I told my father about Alexis/Animal Collective Thursday. He is probably the greatest parent anyone could ask for. Not only was he completely supportive of my drug taking, he gave me tips for the next time I took it and told me that there's no point if I didn't take 2 tabs. Legend.

At past 12 I finally get a reply from Sam. Sorry, we've all bailed home. How was your night?
I replied by saying my night was awesome, and questioned whether he was going to bed. Purely because I thought they might still be sitting around out the back of Castle and that I might join.
No, he wasn't going to bed, but no one was around. I could come and watch the OC with him if I wanted. Drunk, and very much awake, I decided that this was a good choice.
Well, I mean, it wasn't a bad choice.
It just meant we slept together again and I completely lost the progress I had made that day. And, waking up in his bed the next morning, I felt like he cared about me less than ever before. Here's where I need to be too.