New Woman, Old Woman

I woke up on Wednesday morning feeling like everything was a little bit freer and easier than it had been on Tuesday night. Thinking about this Sam thing made me want to shrug my shoulders and say, "Eh, no big deal. Neither of us are really interested in each other. Whatever." for the first time in a long time.
I spent the day strutting my stuff from one side of the city to another (I think I walked for about 3 hours!) in an outfit that made me feel like a million bucks, listening to trashy music that made me feel sexy. There's nothing a good strut in public can't fix, especially when it draws appreciative looks!
I felt like a new woman, with a new, more positive outlook on life and just a touch more self-worth.

Mmm, pity I fucked it up that night.

I got a message at 7:30 from Sam asking me to go out with him and a friend of ours who is visiting for a few weeks. However, due to various family committments, I couldn't go until 11 or 12. Unfortunately, by the time I was free, he wasn't answering his phone. Drunk, I assumed.
This resulted in the drunken hour during which I told my father about Alexis/Animal Collective Thursday. He is probably the greatest parent anyone could ask for. Not only was he completely supportive of my drug taking, he gave me tips for the next time I took it and told me that there's no point if I didn't take 2 tabs. Legend.

At past 12 I finally get a reply from Sam. Sorry, we've all bailed home. How was your night?
I replied by saying my night was awesome, and questioned whether he was going to bed. Purely because I thought they might still be sitting around out the back of Castle and that I might join.
No, he wasn't going to bed, but no one was around. I could come and watch the OC with him if I wanted. Drunk, and very much awake, I decided that this was a good choice.
Well, I mean, it wasn't a bad choice.
It just meant we slept together again and I completely lost the progress I had made that day. And, waking up in his bed the next morning, I felt like he cared about me less than ever before. Here's where I need to be too.

Alexis/Animal Collective Thursday

Everyone new to the band was waiting for this:





We got that, and so much more. But to be honest, all I really remember other than that is this:




And do you want to know why? Because Caitie came over beforehand and convinced me to get the 2 tabs of acid (in our personal dialect, "alexis") out of my freezer and into our bloodstreams.
Best/worst decision EVER.
When Clara fronted up at my door, Caitie immediately informed her of our plan and her involvement in it, which was non-negotiable. Bit of a shock, one can imagine.

We walked half way to Washington, where they were playing, and put the tiny half-tabs we'd cut up under our tongues. To be honest, I didn't think anything was going to happen. You see, just after he left for London, Charlie gave me the amazing going-away present of 2 tabs of acid, saying, "It's just going to deteriorate in my room, you may as well have it". So it had been sitting in my freezer for a good 6 months, which anyone who is acquainted with the drug would know is not really that good for its potency.

Despite my misgivings, it came on in full force. I was swaying and chewing and saying things like, "I'm not inside myself, it's like I'm just a little bit outside of my head." And Animal Collective's music was made to trip to.

On the way back to Castle, Clara and I laughed for 20 minutes straight about nothing.
Max Dunkeld was pretty much the nicest guy ever (he was sober) and gave us nice little tips on tripping & life.
Andy was on a full tab, and unfortunately was having a bad trip, so disappeared halfway through a few conversations.
Sam sat opposite me and complained about his dud pill.
We just tripped out until Max wanted to go to bed and we had to find someplace else to go.

This is where things get a little silly. Caitie decided that she wanted to go back to her place and that driving her car would be the best idea. I believe I repeated the phrase, "You don't have any depth perception when you're on acid" ten times. However, eventually I caved and SOMEHOW we made the 20 minute drive from the city to her house. Kind of amazed that we're alive right now. Also not telling ANYONE that. Two people have already asked how we got to her house and I have lied and said "a taxi".

Anyway, the rest of the night was spent in Caitie's room talking and laughing and drawing until around 6am when we finally fell asleep. Although Clara lost the ability to speak for a good few hours. Under normal circumstances this would be worrying, however, on acid it was just really funny.

Sam has described the experience as being like, "reverting to your ten year old self". I thought it was more like your six year old self. Except you're unable to do a lot of things that a six year old could do. Like see/stand/write/draw properly.

The following pages are what I produced during the many hours in Caitie's room:





Oh, and I forgot to mention that no matter how much you take, acid always lasts for 8 hours. We forgot about this. Good one grrrrrls. This resulted in some serious backlash as I missed an appointment with my dad the next morning to cut down a Christmas tree.
I was labelled a "selfish teenager".
Taking drugs on a whim? Yeah, I guess that's pretty selfish.